


Lost in Translation

by Greysgate



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: First Time, Gay For You, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 00:22:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14738589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greysgate/pseuds/Greysgate
Summary: Daniel is reminded by the death of a friend that he needs to get a life. He decides to follow his heart and see if he can find something close to what he wants, but Jack is not pleased by his choice.





	Lost in Translation

Daniel couldn’t seem to get his head up; he was so weighted down with guilt and grief.  He left the airplane with his gaze on the ground, wandering past the security checkpoints without ever looking up for anyone to meet him.  He felt more than saw someone following close beside him, but recognized that familiar presence by the shoes.

“You okay?” asked Jack quietly, touching his elbow as they walked toward the baggage claim carousel.

“No,” Daniel returned softly, “but I will be.  Just… just give me some time.”

He walked a little faster, trying to put some distance between himself and his ever-present shadow, but Jack stuck to him like glue, crowding even closer as they came to a stop by the carousel that brought all the bags into the airport from outside. 

“Let me help you with that,” offered Jack, reaching for Daniel’s lone suitcase as it bounced and shimmied toward them on the conveyor. 

Daniel kept his mouth shut, already aware that if he said anything, he’d sound like an ungrateful bastard, and he understood that Jack really was worried about him.  After all, Daniel had been the one to find Sarah Gardner’s body in her quarters.  She had never really adjusted to life after Osiris had been removed from her. 

The day before she’d killed herself, she’d come to Daniel’s office and had a long talk with him. 

“ _Live_ ,” she had told him warmly, her hand covering his as they sat on his sofa.  “You’ve never really done that, Daniel.  You’ve spent so much of your life lost in books and work; you’ve never _really_ lived. It’s important for you to do that... for me.” 

He’d argued with her – gently, of course – believing she had been talking about her current situation.   Sarah had been under Doctor MacKenzie’s care since the Tok’ra removed Osiris from her, giving the SGC staff whatever information she’d retained from the symbiote’s mind.  Months passed while she continued living in VIP quarters on the base, afraid to go out into the world again.  Daniel tried to take her out, but she’d been terrified of leaving the base.  Her world had been irrevocably changed, and she thought she no longer belonged in it anywhere.

He had even talked with MacKenzie about how to help her, asking for suggestions to try to get her interested in social interaction, rather than existing only for the question and answer sessions that usually filled her days.  Sarah had been taking antidepressants and getting counseling, but nothing seemed to help.

Then Daniel had gone to her room to try one more time to draw her out.  That was when he’d found her body, already cold in her bed.

He had taken care of everything personally, contacting her parents in England, arranging to have her body flown back to the UK for burial, and then accompanying Sarah home.  He had stayed for the funeral, offering her parents a story about Sarah having been kidnapped and held hostage by terrorists until finally being rescued.  He’d explained how she’d been unable to adjust to what had happened to her until, despairing, she’d taken her own life before anyone had been aware of her suicidal thoughts.  No one, he promised them, had seen it coming, or they would have intervened.

That had been the least he thought he could do, offering them that cover story, which was true in spirit if not in detail.  He didn’t have a choice about that, though telling even that much of a lie grated on his conscience.  He had grieved with her parents over her loss and apologized for not recognizing the signs of her deterioration.  They had assured him they didn’t blame him, and they were grateful for the care he’d taken of her afterward, bringing her home.

Now, however, her last request kept echoing in his mind.

_Live. It’s important you do that… for me._

He knew exactly what she meant.  Even when they’d been together he had neglected her, focusing so much on his work and so little on her, it had been no surprise she’d broken up with him.

With Sha’uri, too, he’d gone off on his own, exploring the city of Nagada and all its little nooks and crannies, searching for Abydos’ past more as a visiting scientist than a new resident needing to fit into society.  That need to explore had taken him to the cartouche room, which had inadvertently led to Sha’uri’s death.  Even when he’d been with her, he’d never really been _with_ her.  He had still been The Archaeologist, The Scholar, only rarely taking the time to be her Dan-yel because he wasn’t wired for marriage to a woman.  She had never known that because he’d done his best to play the part well.

His heart ached.  There had been so much grief over the past eight years, so much futility and pain.  He was tired of it, tired of the war and never seeming to make any progress.  Life was passing him by, and he’d been given so many extra chances…

Sarah had been right.  He needed to learn to be a little selfish, to prioritize his life and actually begin to enjoy it, however much of it was left.  There were no guarantees, and when he wasn’t required to be on the clock and hard at it, he needed to learn to let go and live in the handful of personal moments he could call his own.

Daniel lifted his head and looked at the man walking silently beside him, carrying his suitcase. 

He found Jack staring at him, worry in his eyes.

“I’ll be okay,” Daniel promised him, trying to smile, “but I’m going to change some things in my life.  Starting now.”

“Okay.  Anything I can help with?”

The sincerity of that offer, reflected in Jack’s brown eyes, sent a pang of sweet pain right to Daniel’s heart.  How he wished Jack _could_ help him, but he couldn’t.  Not without giving up his life in the military and his heterosexuality.  Jack didn’t know how Daniel really felt about him, and Daniel could never tell him.  They were friends, teammates, buddies, and that was where it had to stay – for the good of the team, and for Jack’s career.

“No, I don’t think you can help me with this one, but you can expect to see a little less of me around the base,” Daniel answered slowly, hoping the ache in his heart didn’t show in his eyes.  “I’m going to fulfill Sarah’s last wish and go get a life.”

The anguish in Jack’s eyes eased as he smiled a little.  “That’s good, Daniel.  You’ve always worked too hard.  I’m glad to hear it.”  His grin widened, and his eyes grew warmer.  “Got any immediate plans in that area?  ‘Cause I could do with some fun, too.”

“Maybe later,” said Daniel.  “I need to decompress, get my feet back on the ground.  I’ll see you at work on Monday, okay?”

Disappointment registered, but Jack just turned away and nodded.  “Yeah, sure.  You want me to drive you home?”

Though he’d have preferred the quiet of a taxi, Daniel gave him a little smile and nodded.  “All right.  That’d be nice.  Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.  Glad to have you home again.”  Jack clapped him on the shoulder, and Daniel could feel the heat of that touch all the way to through the airport.  That innocent little contact made Daniel ache to the bone.  He was in love with Jack and had been for almost as long as he could remember.  There didn’t seem to be a time Before Jack, all those memories previous to meeting him were touched with an air of unreality that made them foggy and indistinct.  Everything since Abydos, every moment he had shared with Jack, was sharp and clear.

With a lump rising in his throat, Daniel turned his gaze back to the ground and tried to push those feelings back into the dark corner of his soul where he normally kept them.  This was a love that could never be, especially since Jack didn’t feel that way about him.  Realizing his feelings had changed Daniel, though, and it was time he did something about it.  If he could fall for Jack, maybe he could learn to love another man.  If that were possible, Daniel intended to pursue it until he was sure, one way or the other, and he wanted to get started on that quest as soon as possible.

“Hey, Jack, I’m gonna go back into the airport for a newspaper, okay?”

“You’ve got a bunch of ‘em in your living room already,” Jack told him.  “I’ve been getting your mail and newspapers and putting ‘em inside for you, like you asked.  Today’s is on top of the stack.”

“I want a Denver paper,” Daniel explained.  “Last Sunday’s.  It’ll just take me a minute.”

“Okay.  I’ll go get the truck and pick you up over there.”  Jack pointed at a drop-off site near the front entry.

“Thanks.”  Daniel went back inside to a newsstand/bookshop inside the Springs’ Municipal Airport, found the paper he wanted and paid for it.  Scanning quickly through the various sections, he turned to the classifieds and glanced through the personal ads.

 _Men Seeking Men_ , the heading said.  There were lots of entries and, with any luck, he might find someone worth checking out.  If not, then he’d think about wording an ad of his own.

He re-folded the paper, tucked it under his arm and strolled back out into the Friday afternoon sunshine to get started on living. 

* * *

 

 Two weeks later, Daniel found himself walking through the doors of a gay nightclub in Denver, holding a slim, dark green, leather-bound book of ancient Persian poetry in his left hand, _The Rubaiyat_ by Omar Khayyam, to help his date recognize him.  He stood in the entryway for a moment, completely blitzed by what he saw around him.  Men were everywhere, dancing together, huddled close in corners and along walls.  Some were kissing and openly groping each other.  

He wondered instantly if he’d made an enormous mistake, but clenched his teeth and went up to the bar anyway.  He had promised he would come, and he always kept his word.  Placing an order for a glass of white zinfandel, he waited for his drink and posted himself where he could see the majority of the room, watching for his date to arrive. 

Several other men came up, interested in talking or buying him a drink, but he politely rebuffed them, letting them know that he was there to meet someone.  Invitations were extended anyway, and Daniel watched the ones who interested him as they wandered back into the dancing crowd.  Already he felt a sense of impending failure, because he just wasn't getting any hint of real attraction going on beneath his skin.  The patrons in this particular bar were well dressed, probably affluent and educated, and most were attractive, but Daniel wasn't hearing any bells ringing.  It just looked like a room full of guys to him.

A couple of men left the dance floor and went through a pair of stained glass doors, onto what appeared to be a patio, from the glimpse Daniel got while the doors were opened.  He took his glass and his book and followed them, instantly glad when the doors closed behind him, because it helped tone down the loud music to tolerable levels.  With a sense of relief he looked around, taking in the male couples kissing and feeling each other up in plain sight.  There was something oddly comforting about seeing desire so openly expressed between men, making him feel less alienated by the moment.  His first reaction had faded and now he welcomed the sight, taking his time as he watched men of all shapes, colors, and ages intimately interacting with each other.

He wandered over to the iron railing, admiring a set of broad shoulders clad in a black blazer jacket over well-fitted indigo jeans.  The man's hair was an enchanting mix of salt and pepper, still dark enough on top, turning silver toward his nape and ears.  He wore his hair long, in a ponytail that extended a couple of inches past his jacket collar.  Aside from that, he looked like Jack from the back, about the same size and build, but it was just too much to hope for that there would be any kind of facial resemblance. 

Daniel leaned on the railing, nursing his drink, and just looked out at the city, not daring to catch a glimpse of his neighbor's features, but as he stood there, he was aware that his heart was pounding, and his fingers were tightly clutched around his book.

"Ah, there you are," said the man next to him, his voice deep and velvet-soft.  "I was beginning to wonder if you'd stood me up."  He pointed to the book in Daniel's hand.  "You're the only guy here who brought reading material, anyway, so I'm guessing you're my guy."

Turning to meet his eyes, Daniel's mouth fell open as he watched his neighbor straighten up.  Taller than Jack by at least an inch, Daniel realized when his mind started to work again.  Fuller lips, perfect white teeth and deep dimples, he saw as he studied and compared.  Big hazel eyes that made Daniel melt inside, and they were dancing with delight as the man looked him over.

Daniel's tongue swept out to wet his lips before he spoke, his arm already reaching out to shake this stranger's hand.  A sense of excitement shot through him as he took in the man's attractive face.  He looked enough like Jack to be related somewhere down the family tree -- same build, similar coloring, same general shape of his face, but enough differences to be _different_ from Jack, and that was exactly what Daniel had been seeking.

"I'm hoping you're the guy I'm here to meet, anyway," said the stranger after Daniel's long silence.  "Is your online ID Snarkyologist?"

Nodding, Daniel struggled to think enough to make a coherent reply.  "Um, yes, that's me.  I'm--" He hesitated, wondering how truthful he should be at this early stage.  "I'm Dan."

"Liam," said the other man, shaking his hand and covering it with his own.  "I wasn't expecting someone so… hot."  His grin widened.  He still didn't let go of Daniel's hand.

"Well, you're better than I was expecting, too," Daniel admitted frankly, "and honestly?  Everything I was hoping to find."

Liam chuckled and ducked his head shyly.  "Thanks.  I hope I don't disappoint."  He glanced around the patio and gestured to an open table where they could sit down and talk.  "So, you're a linguist?  I have to tell you, Dan -- that alone turned me on in more ways than I can admit.  I'm such a devotee of the English language; I can't imagine what it must be like to be able to converse in a dozen others.  How many do you speak, anyway?"  He pulled out a chair for Daniel and then sat down in the one across from his.

There were a lot of languages on that list Daniel couldn't admit to, so he kept it to the number he used before he joined the SGC.  "Twentyish.”  He sat down and put his book on the table between them, nervously holding on to his glass without drinking from it.

Liam’s eyebrows shot up and he gaped, chuckling happily.  “Oh, my God!  You must be some kind of genius!  Boy, did _I_ hit the jackpot!”

Daniel didn’t reply to the compliment.  Confirming it would only sound like bragging, and that wouldn’t leave a good impression.  “And you're an English professor?" 

"New to the staff at UC Denver.  I've only been here a week or so, but I'm fitting in, making friends."  He reached out to briefly touch Daniel's free hand on the table.  "And now, hoping for more with you."

Daniel withdrew his hand slowly, suddenly uncomfortable, aware that it showed in his face.  "Look, Liam, I've never done this before.  With a man, I mean.  I'm pretty sure this isn't just curiosity or an impending mid-life crisis for me.  It's a final admission of a truth I've been trying to ignore my whole life, and I'm a little skittish about the whole thing.  I'll need to take things slowly.  I'm not ready to just go jump in the sack."  He kept his gaze on the table while he talked, daring to raise his eyes only when he finished speaking.

Warmth and approval shone back at him from those beautiful hazel eyes.  "I can't believe my luck," Liam told him with a soft chuckle.  "The same thing's happened to me.  I haven't been on a date with a woman in a couple of years, just burying myself with work instead, because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was never going to find what I really wanted in a skirt.  Wow!  That's pretty amazing, don't you think?  A couple of gay virgins stumbling over each other through the internet?  Wow.  Thank heaven for denvergaysingles.com."

Daniel's stomach dropped into his shoes.  "Oh, no.  I was hoping you'd be experienced."

All the humor drained from Liam's face.  "Does… does that mean you're not interested in me now?"

With a shrug, Daniel dropped his gaze to the table.  "I don't know.  I mean, I've been researching everything so I'll know what to expect, but how will we know if we're doing it wrong?"

Liam laughed, throwing his head back and slouching in his chair in an easy way that reminded him of Jack.  "Well, if we don't like it, then we're probably doing it wrong," he suggested, "but if we keep trying, I'll bet we can figure it out.  I'm willing to try, anyway."

Some of the tension in Daniel's belly began to uncurl.  "So, how do you think we should approach this?"

"Spend time together," Liam offered, turning back toward the table and leaning on his elbows.  "Get to know one another.  Learn to like each other first.  Then, when it feels right, we take it to the next step.  I'm not in a hurry, Danny."

"Dan," he corrected.  He wanted this relationship to be different from everything else in his life.  Being called by something other than Daniel might help with that.  And not too many people had his permission to call him Danny, anyway.

"Dan," Liam repeated with a nod.  "Sorry."

"That sounds good to me."  Daniel sipped his drink, the wine resting for a moment on his tongue as he pulled the glass away.  He swallowed thoughtfully.  “I have to be honest with you up front, though.  I’m married to my job.  That means a lot of late-night hours and travel, sometimes for weeks at a time.  Once I was away for a whole year, so being with me will mean being alone a lot, but hopefully what time we do have together will be… intense.  Quality.  Is that okay?”

Liam grinned.  “I don’t travel much with my job, but I do devote a lot of time to it.  So yeah.  I’m good with that.  I think we’ll have to see how it works out, though.  We can fill in some of the time away from each other with phone calls and emails to stay in touch.  Would that work?”

Daniel nodded.  “I think so.”  He sighed.  Now came the toughest part.  “I’m also employed by Uncle Sam, and most of my work is classified.  I can’t talk about it at all, other than to say I do a lot of language translations, plus field work that takes me out of the country frequently.  Some of what I do is in dangerous places, and I don’t always come home unscathed.  Are you okay with that, too?”

“Homeland security?” asked Liam, his expression going grave.

“Something like that.”

“So I might be sitting here with a real live hero?”  Liam’s smile and eyes were warm, filled with what looked like pride.

Chuckling, Daniel answered politely, “I can’t answer that.”

“I’ll take that as a humble way of saying yes.”

Daniel cocked his head, spirits rising.  "Would you like to get out of here, Liam?"

"Absolutely.  Some place quiet, filled with beautiful things.  The Botanic Gardens, maybe.  They’re open till eight.  Fancy a stroll?" 

A huge grin spread across Daniel's face.  "Sounds nice," he agreed heartily.  He left his glass on the table, picked up his book and rose, heading for the door.  After a couple of steps, Liam caught up with him and grasped his free hand, holding it lightly, his long fingers curled around the back of Daniel's hand, their palms pressed gently together.

That warm hand in his was the most erotic thing Daniel had ever felt, and for a moment he considered simply taking the plunge and going straight for the sex, just because he'd been alone so long.  Wisdom prevailed, however, and he accompanied his date to the Gardens, where they continued to hold hands during their long stroll.  Later, over a leisurely dinner, they exchanged cell phone numbers, and the evening ended with a drag show at BJ’s Carousel.  They parted with a promise to meet for Sunday breakfast the next morning.

Daniel returned to his hotel room with fantasies sweeping through his mind, taking him straight to the shower for a little low-key solo sex.  But as he stood beneath the warm water, stroking the erection inspired by his new friend, it was _Jack's_ name that fell from his lips as he touched himself, killing his sexy mood completely, fresh pain resurfacing to distract him from his moment of pleasure.  He leaned wearily against the white tile wall, realizing this was not going to be an easy path to walk.  So much of his heart was tied up in his best friend, it would be difficult to keep his thoughts focused during heated moments, so he'd just have to make sure he kept his mouth shut unless it was busy with love-making. 

With a sigh, he climbed into bed naked, still thinking about Jack, and opened the book he'd brought with him, thinking he’d read for a while.  Eventually he felt sleepy enough to turn in for the night and shut off his bedside lamp, sliding gratefully under the covers.  Almost as an afterthought he remembered he still had his glasses on and slipped them off, setting them on the nightstand.

Moments later, his cell phone rang and he fumbled for it in the near darkness, the soft glow from a streetlight outside coming through the white curtains and giving him just enough light to see.  Heart beating faster, he hoped it would be Liam, calling to wish him a good night. Instead, he heard Jack's familiar voice in his ear, and reclined against the pillows again, relaxing and preparing to slide off into sleep.

"Whatcha doin'?" asked Jack, his voice low and softly slurred with alcohol.

"I'm in bed, Jack," rumbled Daniel, his eyes closing in the comfortable darkness.  "What do you think I'm doing at this hour on a Saturday night?"

"Didja get lucky?"

"Nah, I don't work that fast," Daniel said on a sigh, "but I think it turned out all right.  We're meeting for breakfast in the morning."

"Bet she woulda fallen over for ya, just like Kera did, if you'd gone for it."  Jack sounded a little pouty. 

Daniel chuckled.  "Living vicariously through me, Jack?" he teased.  "You should get a life, too, you know.  Ask someone on a date.  That’d certainly be better than calling your best friend in the middle of the night to see how he made out with his first date in years."

He listened for a moment, hearing the sound of Jack's breathing in his ear.  It made his groin stir, desire swirling around inside him.  Instinctively he put his hand to himself, covering his rapidly wakening cock as if Jack might see it through the phone.

"Y'comin' home t'morrow?" Jack slurred.

"I'll be at work on Monday," Daniel promised, reveling in the sound of Jack's sexy voice in his ear.  He imagined Jack right there in the bed with him, half on top of him, his breath stirring against Daniel's cheek.  "I don't know what we might do tomorrow.  See the city, maybe.  Have some fun."

"She'd sleep with you, if you wanted," Jack said, his voice softer and deep.  Sexy.

It did things to Daniel.

"You should do that, Daniel.  Get laid."

Oh, God, the sound of his voice turned Daniel on unmercifully!  He writhed between the sheets, pressing the phone against his ear, turning his head into the pillow, legs prowling restlessly under the covers.  He struggled to sound normal, but he could hear the wistfulness and need in his own voice.  "I don't want a one-night stand, Jack.  I want a _relationship_.  Someone who really loves me.  That takes time."

He heard himself growing huskier, needy and sensual.  It was hard to think, and he grasped his aching cock, squeezing it near the base, trying to hold back till he got off the phone.  The last thing he wanted was for Jack to suspect he might be giving inadvertent phone sex to his best friend, but that's what his call was rapidly becoming.

"I know," said Jack huskily in his ear.  "You deserve that, Danny.  I want you to be happy.  Get married again.  Have kids.  You're not too old for that."

Squeezing his eyes closed, Daniel imagined Jack kissing him, taking him down into the pillows, his naked body rubbing against Daniel, climbing on top of him.  He arched off the bed, his cock nearly bursting, his hand jerking against his hardened shaft.  The fantasy was taking him over, and it took every ounce of self-control not to groan in Jack's ear and talk dirty to him.

"Jack," Daniel groaned.  "Don't…"

"Shhhh," whispered Jack.  "It's all right.  I know you don't wanna think about the past.  All that's over now.  No more pain.  Just pleasure.  Have some fun.  Call your girlfriend and take her to bed.  God, Danny!  Do it for _me."_

"What?"  Daniel was panting now, struggling to hold his breath so Jack wouldn't hear, but it was too much.  The things Jack was saying were so warm and caring, his voice sounded so fucking hot, he was pushing Daniel over the edge and didn't even know it.

" _Fuck_ her," Jack growled, his voice hoarse and breathless.

"Jack!"  Daniel pulled the phone away from his ear, stroking himself harder, imagining himself rolling over on top of Jack and thrusting like mad into him.  Daniel clenched his teeth as he came into the sheets, then scrabbled for the phone on the pillow next to him where he'd dropped it.  Breathless and embarrassed, he listened and heard harsh panting in his own ears.  "Jack?  Are you all right?"

"Fine, Daniel," Jack snapped, his voice dark and angry.  "Just… just have a good time.  I'll see you Monday."

The call disconnected just as Daniel called his friend's name again, desperate to know what was upsetting him so much.  He dialed Jack's number and counted the rings, knowing the voice mail would pick up on five.  The fourth ring sounded and Daniel started to hang up, but he held on when he heard a soft click.

"What!"

"Jack, what's wrong?"  Daniel sat up in the bed, wiping the come off his chest and belly with the sheet.  He was just short of freaking out, but he sensed Jack needed him and that was way more important than his own embarrassment.  Besides, Jack didn't know what he'd just inspired.

"Nothin'.  Just feelin’ kinda old and miserable, here."  Jack sounded a little breathless himself.

"Do you want to spend some time with me?" asked Daniel carefully.  "Is that why you called?"

"I just...” There was silence on the line for a moment.  "I just don't wanna be left behind.  Y'know?"

That hit Daniel right in the heart, gripping him with velvet anguish.  He wanted to reach right through the phone and give Jack a big hug to comfort him.  "How ‘bout if we plan to do something together soon?  Maybe see a ball game or something."

"Dinner?" suggested Jack.  "Been a while since you've been over here.  I could cook."

"That sounds great.  We can play chess, have some wine…"

"You can stay over in the spare room, and we can get plastered."  Jack's voice sounded brighter already.  "Tomorrow night?"

"What time?"

"Eighteen hundred okay with you?"

Daniel hated military time, had to calculate it from noon or midnight, every time he heard it.  Six was a little early for dinner, especially if he planned to spend most of the day with Liam.  "How about eight o’clock instead?  That's more dinnertime."

"Okay."  Jack sounded disappointed, but buoyed up right after a short pause.  "Have a good time, Danny.  Tell me all about it when you get home."

"Not yet," said Daniel hesitantly.  "When I'm sure this is gonna work out, I'll introduce you.  Till then, I'd rather play it close to the vest."

Another long silence echoed in the phone pressed to his ear.  "You're being awfully mysterious about this life you wanna have," Jack murmured darkly.  "You're not doing anything illegal, are you?"

"You mean like drugs?"

"For one."

"Oh, for cryin’ out loud, Jack!  I'd never do anything to put the program in danger.  You know that."

Pause.  "Can't help worryin' ‘boutcha.  Specially when I'm not there to watch your six."

"A man couldn't ask for a better friend than you," Daniel told him with a smile, "but I don't need you looking out for me all the time.  I'm okay here.  Really.  You get some sleep, and I'll see you tomorrow night, okay?"

"Okay.  ‘Night, now."

"Night, Jack."  He listened for the call to disconnect, put the phone down and lay back against the pillows.  He moved over to the other side of the bed to get away from the wet spots, thinking about what he'd done.  Jack would probably be mortified to know Daniel had jacked off while talking with him on the phone, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and that would probably be the closest Daniel ever got to actually having sex with the man he loved.

He sighed and closed his eyes, his body satisfied for the moment, but his heart aching from what he would never know. 

* * *

 

 Jack hung up the phone and sighed into the darkness.  “I’ve lost my mind,” he said aloud to his lonely bedroom.  Getting up from the bed, he tottered on unsteady legs into the bathroom, undressed and got into the shower.  He put on clean sweats and then remade the bed with fresh sheets before getting back into it. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Daniel, off in Denver with some woman.  He hadn’t slept with her tonight because he was a gentleman.  He wasn’t trying for a quick roll in the hay, but going the distance instead, putting the possibility of a relationship first.  Daniel was dating, hoping to fall in love with someone.

Jack knew he should be wishing for the best for his friend, only Jack wasn’t that noble a guy.  He vacillated between wanting the date to go down in flames and hoping Daniel scored and had the ride of his life.  What he found himself feeling, however, was loss.  Anger.  Self-pity.

And after what had happened as he listened to Daniel’s husky, sleepy voice, he was feeling pretty damned embarrassed and confused.  He’d been imagining Daniel in bed with a woman.  Naked.  Fucking her.  It had been like watching incredibly hot porn.  The visuals had excited Jack, turned him on so much he’d had to hang up so he could finish getting off, so Daniel wouldn’t know he was jacking off to thoughts of his friend as a private porn star.

Afterward, Daniel had called him right back and Jack had talked to him with the phone pressed to his ear and one hand on his dick, covered in cooling spunk.  Daniel’s voice had been so gentle and caring, it almost felt like afterglow with a lover.  Jack thought that should feel wrong, but it didn’t.  It felt _good_.  Right.  Natural.

He didn’t want to think about what that might mean, and struggled to put the incident away, to forget it and pretend it hadn’t happened.  Contemplating it made him wonder if he were losing what was left of his teeny little Neanderthal mind.

It took him a long time to get to sleep, even with the booze still in his system making him drowsy, because every time he closed his eyes, he pictured Daniel naked, alone in his hotel room, his dick in his hand, phone pressed to his ear and Jack’s voice purring in it, arousing him until he came.  His memory of that conversation played right into the imagery, making it all the harder to push away.  Maybe Jack had interrupted him while he was in the process of a little solo sex.

Something about that pleased Jack.  It made him feel better, and comforted him as he finally slipped away to troubled, inappropriate dreams of Daniel Jackson. 

* * *

 

Every night for two months, Daniel had left work at the end of his shift, to the minute.  As soon as he got home, he had called Liam, talking with him for hours, covering an incredible array of subjects and personal histories.  He opened his heart to the man, telling him personal secrets he'd never revealed to anyone, wanting to offer every part of himself to their relationship.

Liam did the same.  Daniel had begun to feel a connection with him, a deep sense of pleasure just hearing his voice on the phone.  The weekends in between they had spent in each other's company, with Daniel tearing himself away when he grew too weary to keep his eyes open, retreating to his hotel for the night.  There had been a good deal of kissing and groping between them, but both men had been firmly in control and had never let things get out of hand. 

This weekend, however, he hoped would be different.  He and Liam had talked about it, and agreed on the phone that it was time to take it to the next level.  Daniel thought he was ready, and as soon as he’d mentioned it, Liam had given the go-ahead, apparently waiting on him for the decision. 

SG-1 had been off the duty roster while Sam was recovering, following her battle with the Super Soldier while she and her father had been working on designing a disruptor weapon to fight them.  Her injuries hadn’t been severe, but the stress of being hunted down by the relentless black-clad warrior had taken an additional toll on her, and Doctor Fraiser had requested a lengthier stand-down for all of them so Sam could have some time to regroup.  Now that she had been pronounced field-ready, the team was going back on duty. 

Daniel would be leaving for a mission off-world on Monday.  He knew he would miss his new companion terribly, and the promise of intimacy might help him handle the separation better.  The anticipation made him drive much too fast all the way to Denver.  By the time he arrived at the outskirts of the city on Friday night, his cell phone was ringing.

"Where are you?" asked Liam's voice in his ear.  He sounded aroused.

Daniel immediately thought of his night of phone sex with Jack, and pushed that out of his mind.  "Just hitting the city limits.  Should be at The Wave in twenty.  Traffic’s light."  They had agreed to meet at the nightclub as their regular connection point, and go on from there.

"Come over to my apartment instead," Liam suggested huskily.  "Stay here tonight.  I have a spare bedroom you can use.  If you want,” he added in a soft voice.

Daniel groaned, his dick swelling in his pants.  "Yeah, I can do that.  Where are you?"

Liam gave him directions and Daniel followed his instructions, pulling up into his apartment complex and parking next to Liam's car in a conveniently empty spot.  He found Liam waiting out front, dressed in well-worn, pale blue jeans and a black tank shirt, fingers tucked into his pockets, bare feet on the concrete sidewalk. His hair was down, not caught back in its usual ponytail, and Daniel was struck by how handsome he was, especially with that radiant, expectant smile on his face.

"Missed you," he said, pulling Daniel into a hug as soon as he stepped out of the car.  He swept in for a quick kiss and then stepped back to let Daniel get his suitcase from the passenger seat.  "God, you look gorgeous, Dan!"

"Thanks."  Heat flushed Daniel's face instantly.  Liam seemed to enjoy commenting on his looks, things he found attractive or sexy about him, but Daniel had no experience in receiving compliments like that; they totally disarmed him and left him momentarily speechless.  He wrestled his bag out of the seat and locked the door to his Jeep, then followed Liam through the building and into the elevator.  Liam gestured him into an elegantly appointed bachelor pad on the seventh floor.  Daniel felt a little awkward in the silence, but excited about the progress of their relationship, eager for more. 

Everything was done in pale earth tones.  The furniture had clean, modern lines.  Gleaming hardwood floors were partially covered with a few oriental rugs in startling black, rust and cream.  Cherry bookcases lined the walls and were filled with leather-bound tomes stamped in gold, all expensive-looking.  A sprinkling of modernist art provided bright splashes of color, and silk plants added to the effect of a well-decorated home. 

Curious, Daniel glanced around, hoping to see some photos, some reflection of Liam's family or past, but there were none on display.  He thought about his own home and realized that was true of himself as well.  His teammates had kept few of Daniel's personal photos after his ascension, but even before that his collection of personal memorabilia had been meager at best.  Liam told him he’d also been an orphan, growing up alone at a Catholic children’s home.  That had been one of the big things they had in common, though most of their lives and tastes were radically different, aside from their love of language.

"There's a second bedroom this way," Liam told him, leading Daniel across the living room and down a short hallway.  "I use it as an office, but it also has a daybed, in case you want to sleep in there."  He stepped aside to allow Daniel into the room, a slight smile on his lips, pleasure glittering in his eyes.

Daniel studied him for a moment, glanced at the bed set in the corner of the neat office, complete with wall-to-wall bookshelves, a desk and computer, and bins full of papers, presumably from Liam's students. The invitation was clear -- Daniel had a choice here, to continue their slow progress in his own space, or choose to be closer.

"Would you like me to stay with you, in your room?" Daniel asked, his voice deepening with desire.

"Yes. I'd like that very much," Liam assured him, slightly breathless, his smile flashing wide and brilliant. "I just… I wasn't sure you were ready for that yet."

Daniel dropped his suitcase, crossed the half step between them and took Liam's face in both hands, planting a kiss on his mouth that left no doubt what Daniel wanted.  In his surprise, Liam staggered back against the door, his hands coming up out of his pockets and floating in the air for an instant.  Then the moment passed and he caught at Daniel's shoulders, pulling him closer, his tongue driving hungrily into Daniel's mouth.

Teeth clashed.  Lips were caught between them, suckled and nibbled.  Tongues wrestled for dominance, exploring and mapping, tasting each other.  Liam's knees buckled, and he started to slide downward a little until Daniel caught him, pinning him to the door with his body.  He pulled back, panting against Liam's lips.  "You okay?"

"Just _so_ fucking ready for this!" Liam whispered shakily.  His eyes were glazed with passion and his dick was swelled against his right thigh, tucked down into his jeans.  "I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the evening without jumping you, Dan, but it'll be damn hard to be patient now."

Daniel was grinning hugely now.  "Liked that, did you?"

"Yeah.  I want more, but if you kiss me like that again, I can't promise I won't go straight for your dick."  Liam straightened, swallowing hard, his hands tightening their grip on Daniel’s hips.  "I think we need to talk about things before we actually go to bed, though.  Decide what we want to try right off, and what needs to wait till we're a little more sure of ourselves."

"Right."  Daniel felt Liam's body up against his, the hard muscle and bone so different from a woman's softness.  It was incredibly arousing, the sense of Liam’s leashed power so passive between Daniel and the door.  He wanted to grind himself against Liam and kiss him until he came in his pants, but that wicked little fantasy slipped smoothly away, and he stepped back, struggling to recover his own composure.

Carefully nudging his own erection to a more comfortable spot in his trousers, he bent down to pick up his suitcase and came back up with a smile.

"My bedroom is this way," Liam said as he peeled himself off the door.

Daniel didn’t miss the hungry glance at his crotch.

Liam led the way and stepped aside for Daniel to enter.  The bedroom was decorated in bold blacks and reds, the covers on the bed already invitingly turned down.  Dark burgundy and black curtains covered the windows, shutting out the fading daylight and making overhead lighting necessary.  Daniel set his suitcase on the bed and opened it, glancing around for the bathroom.  He took his shaving kit and placed it on the white tile counter, then returned to the bed to close his suitcase and set it aside.

As he did so, he glanced at the nightstand and spied several items set out in plain sight, for later use.  He wandered over, glancing at the bottle of flavored lubrication, and picked up the brand new box of condoms, chuckling as he read the label.  He held it up and glanced over at his soon-to-be-lover.  "Chocolate-flavored condoms?" he asked with a trace of disbelief.

Liam's eyes glittered wickedly, a wide smile blazing in his tanned face.  "I've noticed you have a fondness for chocolate desserts," he admitted slyly, "so I thought that might be a good flavor for any potential… um… blowjobs.  I ordered those specially for you, off the internet."

Daniel couldn't wipe the grin off his face.  He opened the box and pulled out the strip of plastic packages, tore off a couple and laid them down next to the lube, which he saw was also chocolate-flavored.  He hoped it wasn't brown because that would just be gross.

"Thanks.  I’m sure I'll enjoy it more than the unadulterated taste of latex."  He sat down on the bed and eyed his boyfriend with a hopeful smile.  "So, let's talk, Liam.  Set those parameters."

Liam grinned and shook his head, his dark-and-silver hair shimmering in a silken fall around his face.  "Not in here, Dan.  This is dangerous territory.  How about some coffee?"  He nodded toward the bedroom door.

"Sure."  He rose and followed Liam into the kitchen, which was immaculate and boasted lots of shiny new utensils.   Everything in the place looked new, except for the things that were obvious antiques.  It was as if Liam’s home had been put together by a professional, rather than built over time, used and imbued with the owner’s personality and love.  Something about that felt odd, but Daniel ignored it and contented himself with the view of Liam’s backside. 

Daniel watched him as he made the coffee, appreciating the way his muscles moved under his skin, the breadth of his shoulders, the sweet curve of his ass.  His gaze stuck there, staring and imagining him naked.  His tongue darted out and he licked his lips, his cock swelling as his imagination took flight.

"Is that okay with you, Dan?"

"Huh?"  Guiltily, his gaze shot up to Liam's face as he turned around.  "Sorry, I didn't hear you.  I was looking at your ass."  Instantly he blushed, wishing he hadn't been so blunt.  That had to be the most tactless thing he'd ever said.

Liam burst out laughing, came over to him and gave him a peck on the lips and a pat on the butt.  "Well, I guess I know what you want to do later," he announced merrily.  "I said, let's go into the living room while the coffee's brewing.  Okay?"

"Yeah.  Okay."

Daniel found himself still staring at Liam, his heart thudding, and it took all his strength to turn away and return to the living room.  He wandered over to the windows, looking out at the colorful sunset over the city and the mountains in the near distance.  It was a lovely view, something safe to look at while they talked.  He heard Liam take a seat on the sofa with a sigh.

“I think we should start simply,” Liam began.  “Frottage or hand jobs, just to get our feet wet, so to speak.”

Nodding, Daniel flashed him a smile, then turned back to the window.  “That’s _exactly_ what I had in mind.”  He spoke to his toes, slightly embarrassed to talk so explicitly.  “Truth is, I want to do everything with you, but I’m happy to go slowly, one thing at a time.  When we’re comfortable with frottage, we can move on to blowjobs.”  He cleared his throat, finding it more difficult to get deeper into the subject, but taking the plunge anyway.  “If you’re not comfortable with anal sex—“

“Yeah,” Liam agreed, his voice higher pitched with tension.  “I’m kinda.  Um.  I’d like to wait on that.  Not sure how I feel about it yet.”  He sighed again and got up, coming to stand by Daniel and touching his shoulder to get him to make eye contact.  “I gather from… the kitchen that you want to top me.”  His hand stroked down Daniel’s arm, then up to his chest, wandering slowly back and forth across his pectorals.

Daniel felt his face heat up.  He nodded.  “I like your ass, Liam,” he admitted boldly. “I like looking at it.  I like touching it. I like fantasizing about it, but if you can’t go there, that’s okay.  I’m not sure I could reciprocate, so if you say no, it’s only fair.  If you want to try it though…”  He put his hand on Liam’s shoulder, stroking his thumb over the sensitive skin of his lover’s throat.  “You let me know if you want to check it out, and I’ll do the same.  I won’t ask for it, or try to pressure you into anything.”

“Deal.”  There was genuine fear in Liam’s eyes, easing under a glimmer of relief.  He glanced down at Daniel’s pants.  “I gotta confess, I’m anxious to see you naked.”

“Ditto.”  Daniel smiled at him, then grew serious.  “I’m going out of town on Monday.  The plan is to be gone for about a week. Things don’t always go to plan, just so you know. If you don’t hear from me at the expected time, it doesn’t mean I’m blowing you off. It means I’m not back yet. Okay?”

Liam nodded.  “Okay.  So maybe we shouldn’t be wasting any time here.”  He pulled Daniel into his arms and kissed him. 

Coffee forgotten for the moment, they undressed each other on the way to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing behind them, dropped between kisses.  Daniel put his glasses aside on the nightstand and followed Liam onto the bed, stretching out beside him, just looking at his body.  Liam was in good shape for a man his age, just a little soft around the middle.  A thick mat of silver hair covered his chest and belly, darkening to black at his crotch.  His cock was considerably smaller than Daniel’s but still a nice size; a deep ruddy color, with a sharp upward curve.

Liam seemed enchanted with Daniel’s body, his eyes wide with pleasure as he stroked his fingertips over Daniel’s hairless chest and washboard abs.  He groaned delightedly as he grasped Daniel’s erection, pulling the foreskin all the way back to examine the shiny, purple head.  He massaged his way down the shaft to Daniel’s balls, cupping them and holding them gently for a moment.  “Beautiful,” he whispered, looking Daniel in the eye.   He grinned, his face flushing with color, and shook his head.  “You’ve got a pretty awe-inspiring dick, there, Dan.  Might be too much for me.”

“Like I said, we don’t have to do the anal thing.  I mean, I’d _love_ to be inside you.  I _do_ want that, but it’s not a deal-breaker if you can’t bring yourself to try it.”

“Good,” said Liam with a relieved whoosh, “because this is one big dick, baby!”  He chuckled.  “And uncut, too.  I always wondered what that would be like.”

Daniel spread his legs wider and felt Liam reach deeper, fingertips stroking his perineum, then over his balls and up his shaft.  He closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of that loving touch, and leaned toward his lover for a kiss.  He pressed Liam down into the pillows and kissed him lazily, thrusting into Liam’s hand until he moved away.

Taking that as a cue for something more intimate, he climbed on top of Liam, gently undulating against him, cock to cock, belly to belly.  They made love with delicious slowness, murmuring soft encouragements to each other between kisses, gazing into each other’s eyes as the tempo increased.  Daniel held back until Liam came, wrapping himself around Daniel in breathless joy.

“Jesus,” whispered Liam in a shaky voice, tears gathering in his eyes.  “I’m falling for you, Dan.  Head over heels. _Hard_.”

“Liam,” Daniel murmured, reminding himself who was with him here.  He wanted to climax, ached for it, but his body wouldn’t cooperate.  He closed his eyes and put his head down, letting his imagination run free.  Suddenly he found himself picturing Jack instead, those familiar hands stroking over his body, those long legs with the scarred-up knees hooked around his hips.  As his heart rate took off and his arousal shot through the roof, Daniel’s thrusts speeded up, deepened, plowing a furrow into his lover’s belly.

 _Jack!_ his mind screamed.  _God damn, how I love you!_

Jaws clenched, he pressed his lips together to force himself to keep silent as he came, except for a soft, rhythmic groan.

When he could move, he lifted his head from the pillow and kissed Liam, buying a little time to get his head straight.  He struggled to push Jack out of his mind and concentrate on the man who was actually with him.  Fantasizing about Jack wasn’t fair to Liam, and he felt guilty for doing it.

He just needed some time, he told himself.  He genuinely liked Liam, cared about him.  They were good together, and with any luck, he’d grow to love this man. 

He smiled and slowly opened his eyes, hoping the guilt didn’t show.

“That was nice,” he murmured, keeping his gaze on his lover’s mouth rather than his eyes. 

“I’ll say!” agreed Liam.  His hands were busy exploring Daniel’s back and buttocks.  “Very hot first fuck, Doctor Jackson.”

Daniel chuckled.  “Oooo, I love it when you talk dirty, Doctor Killian.”

They cuddled and kissed until hunger and the smell of coffee drove them from the bed.  Sharing a quick shower, they dressed in sweats and tee shirts and adjourned to the kitchen to prepare dinner together, sipping coffee and slow-dancing while they waited for some of the food to cook.  After a leisurely meal, they watched a movie together on the couch, and then returned to bed for the night.

After an additional round of frottage followed by Liam’s first fumbling but successful attempt at fellatio, enhanced by the chocolate-flavored condoms, they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms. 

When Daniel awakened, it was still dark outside.  He was hard and ready, spooned up behind Liam, his cock rubbing against his lover’s buttocks.  Daniel’s middle finger was buried deep in Liam’s ass, and he wondered if his lover were still sleeping.  He kissed the nape of Liam’s neck to rouse him and found his lover’s eyes open and blinking in the dimly lit room. 

As soon as Liam realized Daniel was awake, he reached toward the nightstand for the scattered condom packets and handed one over his shoulder.  “I want.”  Liam’s voice was trembling.  He rolled his hips back, impaling himself further on Daniel’s finger.  He swallowed audibly and closed his eyes.  “Oh, Jesus.”  He bowed his head.  He was shaking now.

“It’s okay,” Daniel promised, withdrawing his finger.  He reached around and fondled Liam’s morning erection.  “We don’t have to do that.  I must’ve been feeling you up while I was sleeping. Sorry.”

“Yeah,” said Liam, his body tensing.  “When I woke up, you already had your finger in my ass. I. Uh.”  He swallowed hard again.  A shudder passed through him.  “It felt good, Daniel.  I.  I want.”  He sighed, his voice a raw gasp of pain.  “I want you to fuck me.  Back there.”

The signals Daniel was getting were wildly mixed.  While Liam’s words were encouraging, his body language and tone of voice screamed reluctance, utter mortification.  “I don’t think so, babe,” he argued quietly.  “Let’s wait on that.”

He stroked Liam’s hip, patted his butt and suggested, “Why don’t you get up and go pee while I put the coffee on, and then I’ll take my turn in the bathroom.  We’ll come back to bed and talk about our day.”

Liam nodded against the pillow, and then sprang out of bed, beating a hasty, nervous retreat.

Daniel went into the bathroom just as he was coming out, and after tending to his morning business, he returned to the bed, covering up quickly to get warm again.

His lover lay on his belly, his face turned away.  Pushing up to lean on one elbow, Daniel bent over to kiss Liam’s back, appreciating his broad shoulders and sculpted muscles.  His hand wandered further, smoothing over Liam’s softly furred buttocks.

“Dan.”

“Mmmm?”  He was very busy nuzzling through the hair at Liam’s nape, finding several spots that needed kissing.

“I still want you,” Liam announced, his voice filled with tension.  “Inside me.”

“I don’t think you’re ready for that yet,” Daniel argued gently.

“It’s all I thought about last night,” confessed the older man.  “I dreamed about it.  I just.”   Liam’s arms were crossed beneath his chin.  He turned his face down to the pillow, forehead propped on his stacked wrists.  “Ah, Dan.  This is so hard for me!  I’ve never.”  He sighed.  “I didn’t know there was anyone like you out there.  I didn’t expect to fall _so_ fucking hard, but I did.  I’m in love with you, and it scares the hell out of me.”

Part of Daniel’s heart soared at that declaration.  Another part crashed and burned, because he didn’t feel quite the same way.  He cared deeply about Liam.  He wanted so badly to be in love with him, but that wasn’t something he could force.  All he could do was keep trying to fall for him, and maybe it would happen by itself one day.  He’d had that experience with Sha’uri.  Finding himself married to a beautiful, sweet, sassy young woman, he’d played the part of a devoted husband.  Eventually, the façade had become real and he had loved her, as much as he’d been able to love any woman.

Maybe that would happen with Liam, too.  The only way to know for sure would be to try it.

Liam pushed up to his elbows and turned his head, making eye contact.  He looked miserable.  Devastated.  Terrified.  “I didn’t think I’d feel like this,” he said honestly.  “Nobody in my life has ever treated me with the caring and consideration you have, Dan.  I know you don’t feel the same.  Not yet.”  His eyes filled.  “I just want.  _Need_.  For you to be inside me.  I thought the other stuff would be enough, but it’s not.  I’m wrecked, wanting you so much, and I know you’re going to be leaving Monday.  You’ve said your work is dangerous sometimes, and if you don’t come back -- I need this before you go.  Please?”

He looked away, wiping his eyes on the sheet he suddenly pulled up to his face.  “God, what you must think of me.  Begging you to fuck me like some kind of slut.  Crying like a schoolgirl.  _Fuck!_   I’m ruined.”

Turning away again, he lay back on his pillow and breathed a shuddering sigh.

Daniel was stunned.  He stroked Liam’s back, unable to think of anything to say.  He wasn’t good at stuff like that.  So he kissed his way gently across Liam’s shoulders, the smooth skin of his back like satin against Daniel’s lips. 

His mind shut off.  Moving by instinct alone, he explored Liam’s back and buttocks, listening as his breathing changed; shallower, quicker, harsher with growing excitement.  His palm stroked over Liam’s buttocks, and they lifted, inviting him, then tucking under to thrust Liam’s dick against the sheets.

It was lovely, and Daniel couldn’t help smiling at his lover’s excited enthusiasm.  He kissed and nibbled all over Liam’s buttocks, licking and sucking at what he could reach of Liam’s balls, his tongue bathing the perineum.  Carefully, he moved upward, parting those firm cheeks, and laved everything thoroughly.  He concentrated on Liam’s anus, delirious with the pleasure of what he was doing, and what they were about to experience together.

Liam groaned and shuddered as Daniel rimmed him, jerking back against Daniel’s tongue unsteadily, loving this new sensation, yet needing more.  Daniel’s heart swelled.  He cared for this man, ached to please him, to make him feel good.  He waited until Liam was desperate, begging for him, before he went further.

Reaching onto the nightstand, he retrieved a condom and the lube, then pushed the covers back and got to his knees.  He put the supplies on the bed, then reached for Liam’s hips, pulling him upright, sitting on his knees as well, murmuring for him to spread his legs.  Daniel could see his lover shaking; could feel the tremors through the bed.  Liam’s head was down, his eyes closed, one hand on his stiff cock, the other cupping his balls, completely compliant with Daniel’s wishes.

Coating his middle finger with the clear, flavored lubricant, he placed a kiss on Liam’s muscular shoulder as he scooted closer.  Daniel teased his asshole, twirling his finger all around the tight ring of muscle, liberally coating it with the lube.  He massaged it, gently working Liam open, kissing and nibbling at his lover’s arm and shoulders, watching what he could see of his face as the hunger and need scrolled across it.

“Ah, fuck!” Liam cried when Daniel breached him, another tremor shuddering through his body.  He pulled on his dick a few times, then squeezed it hard at the base.

Daniel fucked him gently with his finger, marveling at the feel of the tight muscle and the slick, hot channel inside.  Slowly, carefully, he added more fingers until half his glistening hand was buried in Liam’s ass, his lover crying out with pleasure and desire.  Just watching Liam was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen, but when his own body told him that wasn’t enough, he withdrew and put one hand on Liam’s back, pushing him down to all fours.

Hands shaking with need, Daniel struggled to put on the rubber.  He knelt up behind Liam, liberally coating both of them with more lube, and grasped his aching cock to guide it into his lover’s body.  Heart banging in his throat, he watched himself enter Liam’s thoroughly stretched, swollen pink asshole, a moan of desperation tearing loose from his throat as he slid deeply inside.

A mournful cry spilled out of Liam.  He started to sob, but before Daniel could pull out, Liam rocked back against him, taking his entire length in one smooth stroke.  Daniel bent over him, his lube-slicked hand reaching beneath Liam to grasp his straining cock.  Sliding against his overheated flesh, Daniel squeezed and stroked him, stunned by the whimpering cries coming out of the man, completely blown away by his reaction.  Daniel held still, letting Liam control the action, delirious with the feel of his lover fucking him, holding him so tightly.

“Sofuckingood,” Liam panted.  He moved faster, and Daniel had to grab his hip to hold on, to keep from being knocked over.  Liam was growling now, making unintelligible noises of pleasure, getting louder as he slipped closer to climax.  “Gonna blow!”

Daniel straightened up, letting go of Liam’s cock and holding onto both hips.  “Put your hand on your dick,” he ordered gruffly, his own excitement starting to build.  He saw Liam’s right arm come up off the bed and start jerking, and Daniel slammed himself into Liam’s backside with every ounce of strength he had, pounding the hell out of his ass, fucking him within an inch of his life.

Liam roared, his upper body twisting up into the air the instant before the spasms began, falling face down into the pillows, shouting his release into them.

The sensation was like nothing Daniel had ever felt before, tearing along his cock, threatening to rip it off, sucking his climax right out of him like a vacuum.  It hurt, it was so good!  He felt powerful, triumphant, euphoric, delirious with joy, and opened his mouth to call his lover’s name.

“J—“

“Oh, my fucking God,” panted Liam after turning his face to one side for a breath.

Daniel’s mouth snapped shut as he realized whose name he had almost called.  “Just gimme a minute,” he corrected, still holding onto Liam’s hips.

More tremors passed through Liam’s body, jolting Daniel with too much sensation.  He grasped the end of the condom and pulled himself out, glancing at the red, still-open hole, clear evidence that Liam had just been well and truly fucked.  Daniel pulled the rubber off and tossed it in a nearby trashcan, then climbed over Liam’s bent legs and fell over onto his side as half-smothered laughter rolled out of his lover.

“You okay?” asked Daniel, reaching over to lay his palm against Liam’s sweaty, tear-stained cheek.

Liam groaned as he slowly collapsed onto his belly on the bed.  He was smiling from ear to ear, his hazel eyes opening sleepily to regard him.  “Hell, if I’d known getting it in the ass was THAT good, I’d have been doing it that way my whole _life!”_

Daniel couldn’t help grinning back.  “So I did it okay?”

Reaching over to him, Liam gave him a resoundingly enthusiastic kiss.  “Better than okay, baby.  You’re fuckin’ FABulous!  How soon can you get it up again?”

With a laugh, Daniel rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes.  “I’ll let you know,” he promised.  “Right now, I’m starving.  Gotta have coffee to get the ignition started, and food for fuel.”

Easing gingerly out of bed, Liam reached back to explore his freshly-fucked ass with his fingertips.  “Breakfast coming up, right after I shower.”  He glanced down at the come-splatters on his belly and grinned.  “Best fuck _ever_ , Dan!”  He bent over the bed for another quick kiss and padded stiffly into the bathroom to clean himself up.

Sighing, Daniel relaxed until he heard Liam leave the bathroom before getting up to shower and dress for the day, though he doubted he’d be wearing much for the remainder of the weekend. ** _  
_**

* * *

 

**_One  Month Later_ **

Jack was worried about Daniel.  Janet Fraiser’s death, so closely on the heels of Sarah Gardner’s, had hit him hard.  Once Doc Warner had released Jack from the infirmary, he hadn’t been able to find his friend anywhere.  He’d repeatedly left messages on Daniel’s voicemail, both at work and at home, but he hadn’t called back. 

He tried once more, dialing Daniel’s cell phone, vowing if he didn’t pick up this time, he’d have Sergeant Siler track the GPS indicator in Daniel’s cell phone and go find him. 

“Hey, Jack,” came the nasal answer. 

Daniel had probably been crying, still grieving over Janet’s loss.

“Where the hell are you?” Jack snapped without thinking.

“Um, in Denver.  I’m okay.  I just needed some space.”

Disappointment filled Jack, followed by something that felt suspiciously like jealousy.  He tried to put a cap on it, but that feeling was damned slippery.  “You with your girlfriend?” he asked, picking at some broken threads on his jeans.

“How’re _you_ doing?” asked Daniel, abruptly changing the subject without answering Jack’s question.  “I heard they released you from the infirmary.  You need any help at home?”

“It’d be nice,” he answered without thinking.  Instantly, he regretted saying it, since his motives were entirely selfish.  “I’m okay, though.  You stay where you are.”  He hesitated.  “When will you be back?”

“Couple of days, I guess,” Daniel said with a weary sigh.  “Have they set a date for the memorial?”

“Next week.  Wednesday.”

“I’ll be back Tuesday night, then.”

A long pause passed between them, but Jack didn’t want to hang up.  He listened to Daniel breathe, wondering if he were by himself, or if he had his girlfriend in his arms.  Or if he were in her bed.  Grief often resulted in sex, he knew from frequent past experience when he had been a married man. 

“So when do I get to meet her?” Jack asked, hoping he didn’t sound as pathetic to Daniel as he did to himself.

“Who?”

“Your _girlfriend_ , genius.”  The note of irritation was unmistakable, and again, Jack wished he could take it back.

“Oh.  I don’t know.  Maybe soon.”

Jack thought he heard a kiss passing between Daniel and his companion on the other end of the line, and for an instant, he saw red.  _Inappropriate_ , he chided himself, ruthlessly shoving the feeling away.  “I’d like to get to know her,” he added, much more casually than he felt.

“I know, Jack.  I’m gonna introduce the whole team sometime in the next week or two, okay?  I think it’s time.” 

Jack’s heart caught in his throat for an instant, then splashed back into its regular place.  “You thinking of proposing or something?” 

“Maybe moving in together.” 

Swallowing hard, Jack fought the emotion welling up, struggled to keep his voice even, his reason intact.  “Do I need to remind you about security clearance?” 

“No.  I’m taking care of things properly.  I’m sure the security check’ll be no problem.” 

“And if it isn’t, you’ll deal, right?” 

“Right.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’m gonna go now, Jack.  You sure you don’t need some help for a couple days?” 

“Nah.  I’m good.  You have fun, okay?” 

Pause.  “Not in much of a fun mood at the moment.” 

He sighed.  “Yeah.  Me, too.  See you soon, Daniel.” 

“Bye.” 

Hanging up the phone, Jack stared out the windows of his living room, into the bright green of his back yard.  He was damn curious about Daniel’s significant other, since he hadn’t said a word about her.  Jack hadn’t heard her name, a description, details of any dates – nothing.  That wasn’t like Daniel, who usually talked his ear off about stuff. 

Then again, he never discussed his own personal life or his feelings, either.  He and Daniel shared that trait in common. 

Still, Jack wanted to know her name, where she worked, what she looked like; some little tidbit of information so as soon as he knew her identity, he could dig into her background and find out if she posed any threats to Daniel or the SGC.  Then if the initial investigation came back clear, he’d dig for any other little details that might indicate if she were good enough for his friend. 

Daniel deserved only the best. 

Jack paced the floor, one arm wrapped around his damaged chest, far more conscious of the pain in his soul than that in his body.  

* * *

 

 ** _Two Weeks Later_**

It was hot outside, and the sky was clear; the perfect day for a birthday barbecue.  Daniel had cleaned the grill, loaded it up with charcoal, and the hickory chips were standing by on a nearby card table along with the other grilling supplies.  The steaks were in the refrigerator along with a couple of halved chickens and a tub of hot dogs.  Jack was contributing the beer; Sam and Pete were responsible for the chips and dip.  Teal’c had agreed to supply a fruit salad and a selection of soft drinks. 

Liam would be bringing Daniel’s birthday cake.  He’d arrive about an hour later than everyone else, because Daniel’s plan was to break the news first, to allow anyone objecting to the relationship to express their views and/or bow out before Liam arrived. 

His teammates were all on time and quickly made themselves at home.  A picnic table in the back was the center of activity for a few minutes as Jack set up the keg; Sam, Pete and Teal’c put out their goodies along with the other refreshments Daniel had already supplied. 

Once the food was set up and everyone had the requisite mug of beer in their hands, he ushered everyone into his tiny living room and sat them down for The Chat.  “Thank you all for coming,” he began formally. 

“Happy birthday!” Sam piped up, smiling brightly.  “When’s your girlfriend arriving?  I’m anxious to meet her.”  She caught up Pete’s hand, lacing her fingers with his. 

“We all are, Carter,” agreed Jack. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” said Daniel with a sigh.  He took a deep breath, bracing himself.  “The truth is, I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

Jack gave him the look, obviously pissed off at having been the victim of a series of intentional omissions.  “Excuse me?” 

He boldly met Jack’s eyes for a moment before allowing his gaze to fall to the floor.  “I don’t have a girlfriend, but there is somebody I’ve been seeing.  I have a _boyfriend_.” 

Total silence reigned for a moment, and nobody moved.  Sam sat back, obviously stunned.  Pete looked startled, a little uncertain how to react.  Teal’c’s eyebrow lifted.  

 “Boyfriend?” Jack’s eyes narrowed as he cocked his head.  “You tellin’ us you’re _gay?”_

“ _Surprise_ ,” Daniel murmured, forcing his voice to stay steady.  He waited a beat and went on.  “I’ve been seeing a wonderful man in Denver since April.  His name is Doctor Liam Killian, and he’s a professor of English at UC Denver.”  

He exhaled in a rush but kept talking, giving them the sales pitch he’d worked on for the last three and a half months.  “I really don’t know how any of you feel about same-sex relationships.  I know they’re taboo in the military, but I’m a civilian consultant, so I hope the same rules don’t apply.  I would love for all of you to be okay with this, but if you’re not, I’m willing to transfer to another team, if that will make you more comfortable with me.  I don’t want to lose your friendships over this.  You’ve been like family to me, but I need to have someone in my life.  I need to love and be loved, and as my late friend, Sarah, reminded me, life’s too short to live just for our work, as important as that may be.”  Out of breath, he rushed to a stop and stood waiting to see who would say something first. 

Teal’c broke the awkward silence.  “Among the Jaffa, it is customary for young warriors to begin their training under an elder, more experienced warrior,” he intoned.  “These relationships are often sexual, as well as spiritual and practical.  Master Bra’tac and I shared such closeness, until I received my wife as a gift from Apophis.”  He inclined his head toward Daniel.  “This will bring no change to our friendship, DanielJackson.  I remain eager to meet your _tek’narrh._ ” 

Jack’s attention was temporarily sidetracked.  “Teal’c!  You and Bra’tac?” 

“Indeed.” 

“Well, damn!”  

“Thank you, Teal’c,” said Daniel.  He turned his attention to Sam and Pete.  “Well?” 

“I got no problem with it,” said Pete, shrugging.  He looked at the woman beside him. 

Sam looked pensive.  “If word gets out, Daniel, it could mean trouble for you when the rest of us aren’t around,” she told him.  “There’re a lot of jarheads and flyboys who’d think nothing of beating the crap out of fellow soldiers they think are gay.  They might do the same with civilian advisors.  That makes me worry about you.” 

Daniel smiled slightly.  “I’m willing to take that risk,” he assured her.  “Hopefully, I’m still valuable enough to the program to not get thrown out on my ass for my orientation.  If that happens, though…”  He shrugged.  “I’ll deal with it, if necessary.  I still intend to keep my private life private.  What I do at home is nobody’s business but my own.”  

He turned to Jack, who was just finishing up draining his mug of beer.  “What about you, Jack?” 

The older man stood up and started edging towards the door leading outside.  He raised his gaze to Daniel’s, disappointment in his eyes, his shoulders slumped.  When he answered, he spoke slowly, his voice soft with sorrow.  “I’ll let you know after I meet the guy and have the results of his background check on my desk for review.”  He opened the back door and let himself outside, leaving the room behind him in stunned silence. 

Daniel watched Jack stroll into the yard to the keg, head down.  He refilled his glass and drained it quickly, taking his time with the next refill, lighting the charcoal and getting the fire going.  Eventually, everyone else wandered outside to join him, top off their beers, and discuss the revelation about their friend and teammate.  

Their host stayed in the house, finishing up a couple more preparations and waiting for Liam to arrive, not sure he wanted to know what they were saying about him out there.  The next time he looked outside, Jack had his cell phone pressed to his ear, grimacing; no doubt getting the ball rolling on the background check, now that he had a name.  Daniel sighed and shook his head, not at all surprised at that behavior. 

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang.  Daniel let Liam into the house and showed him into the kitchen to set down the cake.  He gave Liam a brief hug and kiss, and then led him out into the back yard for introductions. His friends were talking and laughing together when they exited the house, and as soon as he called their attention, all eyes turned to him and the man whose hand he held so tightly. 

Sam’s easy grin faltered, as did Pete’s.  Their eyes went from Liam’s face to Jack’s and back again.  Several times.  Covering her mouth with her fingers for a moment, Sam cleared her throat, collected herself with a smile, and stepped forward, hand extended, to greet Liam. 

“Sam, this is Doctor Liam Killian,” said Daniel proudly, his hand placed possessively at the small of Liam’s back.  “Liam, may I present Major Samantha Carter.” 

“I’m honored,” said Liam with a half bow.  “Dan has told me so much about you.  Astrophysics, right?  On some kind of space telemetry project, whatever the hell that is?”  He gave her a friendly grin. 

“Yes, that’s right.  It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.  Daniel hasn’t told us _anything_ about you till today.  I guess he wanted to keep you all to himself for a while.”  She glanced between Liam and Jack again. 

Daniel introduced Pete, and then Teal’c, using the cover story that he was a foreign dignitary from a small African principality, acting as an advisor on classified projects. 

“Oh?” asked Liam.  “Which country?” 

Teal’c lifted one eyebrow, glancing at Daniel.  “Yoruba.” 

“Yes, Yoruba,” agreed Daniel.  He hauled Liam over toward the grill, the rest of the group following them for the main event.  

Jack hadn’t done more than glance up to take note of Liam’s arrival, keeping his attention on the fire beneath the shiny chrome grill. 

“Jack, I’d like to introduce Liam Killian,” said Daniel formally, slipping his arm about Liam’s waist as they strolled up to the grill.  “Liam, this is the commanding officer of my group at work, which is under control of the Air Force.  Colonel Jack O’Neill.”  

“With two l’s,” added Jack as he finally lifted his head to made eye contact with Daniel’s guest.  

He stared at Liam, then at Daniel.  Stared hard.  Then he nonchalantly dropped his gaze back to the grill and poked at the coals with a long-handled fork.  A few awkward moments later, he put the fork down, wiped his hand on his jeans, and extended it to Liam to shake.  “Nice to meetcha,” he said flatly.  He flashed a quick, polite, completely insincere grin, and then turned back to working on the grill.  

“The pleasure’s all mine,” Liam returned tightly.  He had been staring at Jack, too, and now turned his narrowing gaze on Daniel.  He pointed into the house with a weak smile.  “I’m just gonna go… fetch the birthday cake.  Be right back.” 

“I’ll go help him,” said Daniel to his teammates, hurrying after his lover.  He wasn’t sure what that look had been about, but Liam obviously wasn’t pleased.  

When he got to the kitchen, he found a very angry Liam pacing the floor, his hazel eyes hot and accusing.  “What’s the matter?” asked Daniel. 

“Jack and I could be _brothers_ ,” hissed Liam.  “Is that why you were so specific with your description in that personal ad?  ‘Prefer older men with a touch of silver, tall and fit, dark eyes.’  I thought it fit me to a ‘T’, but guess who _else_ qualifies?” 

Daniel frowned.  “Look, Liam, there’s nothing going on between me and Jack.  Never has been, never will be.  We’re just friends.  He’s straight as an arrow.  We _work_ together; that’s all.” 

“You’re not attracted to him?” 

“There’s nothing but friendship between us,” Daniel insisted, doing his best to avoid a more honest answer. 

That seemed to mollify Liam, and with some visible effort, he let go of his anger on a heavy sigh.  There was pain in his eyes as he studied Daniel’s face.  “I just--”  He swallowed hard.  “I don’t want to be anybody’s second best, Dan,” he breathed.  “Okay?” 

Daniel couldn’t think of anything to say that would completely convince Liam without being at least partly untrue, so he did the next best thing.  He kissed him, deeply, hungrily, leaving them both shaken when they parted.  It took him a moment to be able to stand upright without leaning on Liam.  “There’s no substitute for _that_ ,” Daniel assured him. 

He turned away, intending to go back outside to his other guests, and came face to face with Jack.  Something behind his eyes was burning. 

Daniel’s stomach dropped to the floor as he realized Jack must have seen their kiss. 

Jack sidestepped him and opened the refrigerator.  “Time to put the steaks on the grill,” he announced, no expression on his face or in his voice, just that tell-tale smoldering in his eyes.  “Fire’s ready.” 

“I’ll get the rest of the meat,” Daniel mumbled.  He glanced back at Liam, who was already on his way out of the kitchen with the cake. 

Daniel’s insides tied themselves into knots as the afternoon wore on.  He refereed the incessant verbal sparring match between Jack and Liam, as each one tried to outdo the other with one-liners, stories, and hip remarks.  Daniel picked at his food, unable to eat for the tension.  What should have been a light-hearted, fun day with friends was torture instead.  

Once the cake had been cut and eaten and the gifts opened, Sam and Pete took their leave, citing some errand needing to be run.  Teal’c wasn’t long after them, but Jack stuck around, apparently trying to outlast Liam’s visit.  Daniel finally told him privately that Liam would be staying the night, and at long last, Jack wished him a happy birthday and took the hint. 

Only after he was gone could Daniel finally relax.  He smiled at Liam and put his arms around him, snuggling against his chest.  “Remind me never to do _that_ again,” he murmured. 

Liam’s arms tightened around him, swaying slowly with him in the kitchen.  “Do what?” 

“Have you and Jack over at the same time,” Daniel answered with a heavy sigh.  “That was a disaster!  Worst birthday ever.  Except the one right after my parent’s death.” 

With a sigh, Liam stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head.  “He’s a possessive bastard,” Liam observed.  “Seemed pretty damned territorial, to be just a friend.” 

Daniel shrugged.  “Jack’s that way about _all_ of us on the team,” Daniel assured him, his eyes closing.  He was tired, and Liam felt so good against him.  “He’s like the big brother I never had.  He took Pete aside when he started dating Sam and told him not to hurt her, or he’d have to answer to Jack.” 

“Said pretty much the same thing to me over by the grill,” admitted Liam gravely, “and made sure I knew he owned a shovel and had a place to hide the body.” 

Daniel lifted his head, startled, and made eye contact.  “He didn’t!” 

“Oh, yeah.  Scary guy, Dan.  I think he meant it.” 

“I’ll kick his _ass_!” Daniel growled.  He peeled away and made a beeline for the phone, but Liam caught him by the arm and spun him around into his arms again.  “I just want to yell at him a little.” 

“That would entail giving up some of my time with you, which I’m not willing to do,” Liam told him, his voice like a warm blanket.  “I don’t want him taking up what little I get to share with you, Dan.  Let it go.  Take me to bed.” 

Daniel glanced at the kitchen full of leftovers and dirty dishes. 

“This mess can wait,” Liam assured him, taking him into his arms again.  He started to sway, dancing Daniel slowly out of the kitchen and back toward the bedroom.  “We can still salvage this birthday of yours.” 

“Have you ever noticed,” observed Daniel after stealing a kiss, “how we always end up dancing in the kitchen?” 

Liam grinned.  “No, I hadn’t, baby,” he admitted on a sigh.  “We dance in the shower, in the hallways, in the bedroom, between the sheets.  I guess that’s because we make such beautiful music together.” 

“Corny,” Daniel teased, running his hands possessively over Liam’s ass.  “Thought you were this great expert on the English language.” 

“Clichés have their place,” said the older man, “and we have ours.  You on top, me on bottom.” 

“Mmmmm,” agreed Daniel, capturing his lips in a tender kiss.  “Now _that_ sounds like an excellent birthday present.” 

Liam danced him into the bedroom, getting his first look at Daniel’s diminutive bed. 

“Oh, that has _got_ to go!” he observed, casting a skeptical eye on the furniture.  “No wonder you always come to my place.” 

Daniel chuckled, thoughts of shopping for a new bed the very last thing on his mind.  

* * *

 

All the way home, Jack concentrated on driving, refusing to allow himself to think about the events of the day, but as he turned onto his street, the images broke through his careful restraints.  Jack didn’t know Liam well enough to hate him so much; his anger toward the man surprised and dismayed him, but he felt helpless in the face of it.  At first, he’d simply visualized beating Liam Killian to a pulp.  Then it escalated into darker things, and the more of those black, dangerous thoughts coursed through him, the angrier he got until, by the time he parked in his driveway, he was shaking with unholy rage.  He simply wanted to kill the man. 

As he stomped up his front steps, fumbling with his house key, he aimed it at the lock slot on the doorknob.  The instant before slipping it in, Jack froze as an epiphany burst into his mind.  He stared down at the key in his hand.  Blinked.  Blinked again, still motionless. 

He was jealous. 

Passionately.  Violently.  _Jealous_. 

What the _fuck?!_

How could that _possibly_ be right? 

Jack let himself into the house, put his things away and stood in the middle of the living room, staring outside, turning the problem over in his mind. 

He thought about the women in Daniel’s life.  He’d had no problem with Sha’uri – but then, he’d barely known her or Daniel at the time.  He had disliked Shyla, especially since she’d nearly worked the team to death (except for Daniel, whom she really screwed up with that sarcophagus addiction), but Jack hadn’t spent much time with Shyla, either.  Kera had flirted her brains out with Daniel right under Jack’s nose – and Jack had hated her for that.  Of course, she’d been bad news – an old enemy with a new face – but Jack hadn’t known she was Linnea at the time, so he couldn’t pin his raging dislike of her on anything except _her attraction to Daniel_ , and vice versa. 

And now, after years of solitude and loneliness, Daniel had Liam Killian in his life, and in his bed. 

It wasn’t the fact that Daniel was with another man now.  Those same jealous sparks had been there for everyone Daniel had been with since he’d lost his wife.  Stunned, Jack realized he simply didn’t want to see Daniel with _anyone_ else, but that was damned unfair to Daniel.  The violence Jack had been feeling washed right out of him after that. 

He backtracked to earlier in the day at Daniel’s house when he’d announced that he had a boyfriend.  What Jack had felt then was a healthy dose of anger at Daniel for not confessing the truth right away, just so Jack would have known it.  He knew Daniel hadn’t actually lied about whom he was seeing.  Nowhere in Jack’s memory could he recall a single instance where Daniel had given him the barest scrap of information, not even a gender-specific pronoun to give a hint of the fact that he had been dating a man, so he knew his reaction really wasn’t connected to the sex of Daniel’s significant other. 

A man who looked an _awful lot_ like Jack O’Neill, by the way. 

He closed his eyes, the memory of that kiss he’d witnessed surging into sharp, painfully clear perspective.  For an instant, Jack had been surprised to see Daniel doing that, and if he were honest with himself, once the surrealism of the moment had passed, Jack had found it arousing.  It was as if he were standing outside his own body, watching Daniel holding _him_ , kissing _him_ , all pliable and tender and sexy. 

Then the hotness had faded into anguish, which had turned quickly into fury.  Jack had kept all that to himself, putting on a mask, pretending nothing was wrong, when it was _so_ wrong he could barely think.  All those reactions – desire, hurt, jealousy – spoke of something far more than friendship for Daniel rattling around in Jack’s heart.  It felt like love; the having-sex-together, rest-of-your-life kind of love that a Colonel shouldn’t be feeling for his male teammate. 

Did that mean Jack was _gay?_

Something inside him clicked, shifted, fell into place, like a Rosetta stone unlocking the mystery of the unspoken language he and Daniel had always used to communicate with each other.  Daniel’s choice of a boyfriend hadn’t been an accident; it had been intentional.  He’d been trying to tell Jack the truth, when he couldn’t say the worlds.  The meaning of that message was no longer lost in translation.  

He understood.  Daniel was in love with Jack and believed they could never be together, so he’d gone out looking for the next best thing – and found him.  Jack had known it from the instant he’d laid eyes on Killian; now he was letting himself think about it for the first time. 

He was in love with Daniel, he was pretty certain now.  That made him sad for a moment, but it passed quickly.  He was also fairly certain Daniel was attracted to him, based strictly on the physical characteristics of the man he’d chosen, so it was entirely possible that Jack might be able to steal Daniel away from his boyfriend, but _then_ what? 

There would probably be sex. 

With Daniel. 

To his surprise, Jack wasn’t put off by that idea in the slightest.  In fact, the more he considered it, the more it appealed to him.  He pictured Daniel on his knees, giving him a blowjob, and the fantasy got a reaction.  A _very_ positive one, in fact; only that kind of distraction wasn’t going to get him anywhere at the moment. 

Jack willed his waking erection away, got a beer from the fridge and sat down on the sofa with a sigh.  He’d gotten himself into a hell of a problem here, with no solution in sight.  He didn’t want to manipulate Daniel, either, because it would be unfair to make him choose. 

If Daniel wanted Killian, the best thing _for Daniel_ would be for Jack to stand out of his way and let him be happy.  

But that would be only _if_ Killian passed the background check that had already been started. 

This was one helluva discovery to make.  On the same day he learned Daniel was gay, he figured out _he_ was, too.  He chugged the beer down in a long, desperate swallow and leaned his head wearily against the sofa back. 

“Happy birthday, Daniel,” he said morosely to the empty room.  “Guess what?  I’m completely fucked, and not in a good way.” 

There was no use feeling sorry for himself.  He got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.  As he slipped under the covers and rested his head on the pillow, he thought of Daniel and hoped his friend was happy, and that he’d get to stay that way. 

* * *

 

 ** _One Week Later_**

Jack studied the report thoroughly.  On the surface, it looked completely in order, but his gut instinct told him there was more to this Liam Killian guy than what met the eye, and he was certain it wasn’t just jealousy anymore.  Something just didn’t smell right about him.  Jack dug deeper, worrying at the investigators, taking Killian’s life history apart, piece by ordinary piece, until he found the hole. 

It wasn’t much.  There was a gap in the paper trail between June of 1974 and January of 1975, when Killian would’ve been 19 years old and a full-time student at Yale.  Jack made a few calls himself, picking at details, requesting copies of records and looking at them under a magnifying glass.  From 1975 on, the documents were a little too perfect, too orderly, too clean.  There were too few pictures of Killian previous to that date, and some of those that he did find showed a boy with light-colored eyes, not dark ones.  The resemblance was still there, but the face was different enough that the identity was starting to fall apart. 

He made a call to someone in the CIA who owed him a big favor, and at that point, Killian’s ID collapsed.  The documents had been forged, and Jack found that the forgeries had been done legally.  That could only mean one thing. 

The day was nearly over when Jack put all the pieces together.  Overwhelmed with worry for Daniel, he took the thick folder with him to Daniel’s bungalow.  He parked outside, taking note that Liam’s car was still in the driveway at 2200 hours.  He waited for an hour, watching the place, his heart flaming up when he finally spied Killian step outside, giving Daniel a passionate parting kiss in the glow of the porch light. 

Once again, a surreal sense of _deja-vu_ played the scene in his imagination, as if it were himself whom Daniel was kissing. 

Daniel loved him.  He loved _Jack_ , and this guy was just a substitute, albeit one for whom Daniel cared deeply.  And now Jack was going to have to go in there and break Daniel’s heart.  Whatever chance he’d been hoping for with Daniel was probably about to die a horribly painful death, but this was about the job.  It was his duty, his responsibility to break the news to Daniel himself. 

When Killian’s car had disappeared down the street, Jack got out and walked up to the door, pressing the doorbell and holding it down until Daniel came to answer it. 

“Get off the damned doorbell!” Daniel snapped upon recognizing his visitor.  “It’s late, Jack.  What do ya want?”  He didn’t invite Jack in, just stepped away and went into the living room, leaving it to Jack to come in.  Jack didn’t bother shutting the front door.  He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be staying long. 

Jack eyed what he was wearing, hating Liam Killian with every fiber of his being.  Daniel had on a thin white U-shirt and pale blue cotton pajama bottoms.  His feet were bare, and he smelled of sex.  He smelled of _another man._   Jealousy reared its ugly head again, but this time Jack recognized it for what it was and understood what was happening. 

He didn’t want Daniel with anyone else.  Daniel belonged to _him_.  Jack was going to have to deal with that, but not now.  This was business first, and all the personal stuff needed to be swept aside for the moment. 

_“’Hi, Jack,’_ ” Jack parroted, reminding his friend how a polite, friendly greeting should sound, his tone laced with sarcasm.  _“’How are you tonight?  I’ve barely seen you over the last week.  Been busy?’”_   He cocked his head the other direction, taking up the other half of the dialogue.  “Yeah, Daniel, I _have_ been busy.  Thanks for askin’.  Just got the report back on your boyfriend.  He looked clean.” 

“Toldja,” said Daniel smugly, lifting his chin as they squared off in the middle of the living room. 

“Only he was a little _too_ clean,” Jack returned darkly.  “Come to find out, he’s a plant.  He’s in your life for a reason.  My guess is he’s NID or maybe The Trust.” 

Shock skittered across Daniel’s face, chased by disbelief.  “You’re lying!”  He shook his head.  “You just don’t like him.  You want me to stop dating him, just ‘cause he’s not a woman.  You don’t want to accept that I’m gay, but you know what?  Tough shit, ‘cause I _am_.  I can’t change my orientation, any more than you can.” 

“You were _married_ , Daniel,” Jack argued.  “You loved Sha’uri.  I could see it, whenever you two were together.” 

“A lot of gay guys get married, for a lot of reasons,” Daniel flung back at him, his eyes hard, flinty.  “I cared about my wife.  Learned to love her, but that didn’t make me straight.  I’d still be with her, if she were alive, but didn’t you ever wonder why we didn’t make any babies, during that year we spent together on Abydos?” 

“I.”  Jack swallowed hard.  He glanced away, not wanting to think about that part of Daniel’s life.  “That’s none of my business.” 

“Neither is Liam.” 

“That’s different,” said Jack stiffly.  “He _is_ my business.  If he’s an agent, he’s too damn close to you, and you’re too valuable to the program to lose.” 

“So you’re not _sure_ he’s working for anyone,” Daniel shot back, his eyes glowing with triumph at the hint of doubt in Jack’s statement. 

He shook his head.  “No.  I’m as sure as I need to be.  He’s a plant for _somebody_ , and that’s all that matters.  You need to confront him about it, and you also need to make sure you don’t have any sensitive materials here at home.” 

“I took care of that long before I brought him here the first time,” Daniel assured him, tension in his voice, his heavy eyebrows crouched low over his angry eyes.  “I was careful with everything, including safe sex.  Liam doesn’t have a key, wasn’t going to get one, and I don’t talk in my sleep or otherwise.  I haven’t told him anything except the standard employment story.” 

“Not that you know of, anyway,” Jack shot back.  He sighed wearily, sorrow weighing down his bones.  “Look, Daniel, you deserve some happiness, after all the hell you’ve been through in your life.  I _want_ that for you, but _this_ guy’s not it.  You have to cut him loose.” 

“No.” 

“Well, if you don’t, I’ll have to bring what I know to General Hammond.  He’ll give you the same options: drop Killian, or we drop you.  The SGC can’t afford the security risk.”  He put Killian’s folder down on the coffee table and pushed it toward his friend, standing near the other end of the sofa. 

“Jack!”  Daniel’s eyes were angry now, his hands balled up into fists at his sides, ready to fight for what he wanted.  

The resistance was plain, but as Jack watched Daniel’s mobile face, he saw the wheels turning as Daniel’s gaze moved down to that closed folder, filled with evidence against Killian’s forged identity.  Daniel would know Jack wouldn’t be doing this if he had any other choice.  

Slowly, inexorably, the truth won out, and Daniel’s shoulders slumped.  His hands relaxed.  The conflict seemed to go out of him, leaving grief and anguish in its wake.  He bowed his head and sighed.  “It’s true then?”  

Jack took the three steps to bring him into range and put one hand on Daniel’s shoulder.  His voice was gentle, his heart breaking for his friend.  “I wouldn’t lie to you, and I certainly wouldn’t make any of this up.  I’d rather die than hurt you, Danny.  Don’t you know that?” 

Blue eyes swimming in tears lifted to meet his.  Daniel’s lower lip was trembling as he nodded.  “Okay.”  His voice was barely audible.  He turned his back to Jack, wrapping his arms around himself, seeking comfort. 

Jack pulled on his shoulder, trying to bring him closer, but Daniel resisted.  Jack wanted to hold him, ached to comfort him, kiss him, tell him everything would be all right, but he couldn’t.  Daniel would let him; not right now. 

Daniel sniffed, wiping at his face. 

The slight creak of a footstep in the front hallway made both men turn.  Liam Killian walked slowly into the living room, one hand stuffed into the pocket of his jeans, the other worrying at the back of his neck.  His eyes were filled with pain and guilt, his face several shades paler than normal.  He wandered over to one of the ceremonial masks Daniel had mounted on the wall, picked it up and took an electronic surveillance device out of it.  He turned it off and stuffed it into his pocket. 

“You left the front door open.  Between the listening devices and my eavesdropping, I heard everything,” Liam announced, regret etched into his sad smile as he eyed Daniel.  “Figured you wouldn’t fall for any arguments against all this being a coincidence.  You’re too smart for that, so since my cover’s blown, I decided to just disappear.  Only I couldn’t do that to you.”  

Daniel made a strangled sound and sat down on the sofa, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with grief. 

“You deserve an explanation, Daniel,” Liam said quietly, his voice trembling. 

“Just get the hell out of his life!” Jack snarled.  “Haven’t you done enough damage?” 

“Shut up, Jack,” said Daniel, his voice edged in pain.  He didn’t look up.  “Let him say what he came to say.” 

Ignoring Jack, Liam continued, “My real name is Ian Donovan.  You were supposed to be just another job, Daniel.  We found a newspaper in your trash months ago, one with _Men Seeking Men_ ads circled.  When you posted your profile online, we were waiting for it.  They chose me because I best fit the physical description you wanted, even though I’m not gay.” 

He breathed an ironic little laugh.  “At least, I didn’t think I was.”  He rubbed at his nape again, fear in his eyes as he stared off into space.  “The NID has been after all of you for a long time, trying to put people into place to catch your eye.  We just weren’t throwing out the right kind of bait for Daniel, until they found that paper.” 

The agent rubbed at his chest absently, studying his grief-stricken boyfriend.  “That night,” he looked up at Jack, obviously wishing he’d disappear, then turned to look down at Daniel again, focusing his attention on his former lover, “that first night we made love, Daniel, I really _hadn’t_ been with another guy before.  It was supposed to be just sex.  I could do that.  I wasn’t planning to do… what we did, not all of it, but--” 

Daniel hung his head and studied his hands, clasped between his knees. 

Liam squatted down before him, desperately trying to make eye contact.  “I meant what I told you that night.  Something happened with you.  I – I really.”  He swallowed hard, his eyes pleading.  “I _really_ fell in love with you.”  He started to reach out to touch Daniel, fingers trembling, and then pulled back, lowering his head.  “I didn’t _have_ to do… all the things we did.  I did them because I _wanted_ to.  Because it _meant_ something to me.” 

Daniel didn’t respond.  He just sat there, crushed and suffering.  He took off his glasses and set them aside on the arm of the sofa, then pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closing. 

Jack couldn’t hear him breathing.  He ached for his friend and wanted to kill the man who had hurt him so badly, but there were things to do.  He had responsibilities to take care of here. 

“Is that the only bug?” he asked the agent quietly. 

Killian glanced at Jack’s knees, not daring to make eye contact.  “One in the office underneath the desk lamp and one in the kitchen, behind the refrigerator.” 

Daniel still didn’t look up, and he was hugging himself again.  “Why’re you telling me all this?” he demanded, his voice a raw, agonized whisper.  “You’ve just blown your cover.” 

“I know,” admitted Killian with another sigh.  “I’m sure someone’s already on the way to correct the matter.  I don’t care anymore.  I’ll be happy to resign.  I just.”  He shrugged listlessly.  “I wanted you to know the truth.  I wanted you to know what I felt for you was _real_.”  He swallowed hard and blinked back tears.  His voice was squeaky with pain.  “I just wish--”  He took a deep, shaky breath, let it out.  “I wish you’d loved me, too.  I know you tried.  Thank you for that.” 

He reached out again, timidly, wanting one last touch, but Daniel dodged his hand. 

Killian nodded as he stood up.  “It was an honor to know you, Doctor Jackson,” he whispered, his eyes on the top of Daniel’s bent head, “and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.  You’ll never know how much.” 

He walked with Jack into the office and then the kitchen, taking possession of all three of the surveillance devices before letting himself out the front door, which still stood open. 

“Pack a bag,” Jack told Daniel upon returning to the living room.  “You’re either coming to my place or going to the base for the night.  You can’t stay here till we have a security team over to sweep the place from top to bottom.” 

Daniel flinched away from Jack, too, jumping to his feet and keeping out of range, avoiding eye contact.  “I’ll be fine here,” he growled back, voice cracking with emotion.  “All I’m going to do is sleep.  They’ve already heard everything, anyway.” 

Jack’s stomach tightened.  “What did they hear, Daniel?” 

“Me fucking that guy, whoever the hell he was.”  

“That’s all?” 

Hot blue eyes finally slanted to meet his.  “Isn’t that enough?” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“No trade secrets,” said Daniel with a harsh, bitter laugh.  “I told you, Jack.  I was _careful_.”  He grinned bitterly and shook his head.  “I was such a fool.” 

Jack swallowed hard.  “People in love usually are,” he offered gently. 

“That’s the worst part of it.  Liam was right.”  Daniel rubbed his face wearily.  “I tried very hard to fall in love with him, but I couldn’t.  I wanted to, so _fucking_ badly, but it didn’t happen.  He knew it and loved me anyway.” 

“He didn’t—“ 

A loud pop like a car backfiring sounded outside, followed by the roar of a revving engine and the screech of tires as a vehicle took off immediately afterward. 

Jack dove for Daniel, pushing him to the floor, down behind the sofa, covering him with his body.  His chest wound hurt, but he moved past the pain, ignoring it.  “Gun?” demanded Jack in a rough whisper, touching Daniel’s shoulder.  

“Middle desk drawer, in my office,” Daniel hissed back, instantly alert and shifting into battle mode. 

Jack pulled his cell phone from his pocket and held it out to Daniel.  “Call 911, then base security for backup, while I get the gun.  You keep your ass on this floor.”  He met Daniel’s eyes.  “That’s an order.” 

“I can take care of myself,” snapped Daniel, ignoring the phone. He grabbed Jack’s shirt and held him down with him, using the sofa for cover for both of them.  “And you’re staying with me, damn it.  You’re injured.” 

“Okay.”  Jack nodded, appreciating Daniel’s clarity of mind.  “Office,” he whispered, and they crawled together through the rooms of Daniel’s house.  Jack reached the window first, peered carefully outside, and spied Killian’s car still parked at the curb in front of Daniel’s house.  Jack made the call as he studied the scene, requesting military police support and emphasizing his rank to authorize the appeal, he gave them Daniel’s address, and the few details he knew.  

He glanced outside again, pushing Daniel’s head down when he tried to look, too.  Killian’s car door was slightly open.  The dome light was on, and the driver was slumped in his seat, not moving. “Shit,” Jack whispered, already certain of what had happened.  

“What’s going on, Jack?” Daniel demanded in a strained whisper.  He didn’t go for his pistol, waiting for Jack’s confirmation that it would be needed. 

Another glance confirmed that the street was clear. The NID had taken care of their loose end, making a mess for the SGC to have to clean up. 

“Jesus _fuck!”_ Jack whispered, knowing already that the man was dead.  He took a longer look now, and saw that the right side of the driver’s head was cratered with a gaping hole, the exit wound of a bullet shot from the driver’s-side window.  Someone else had been listening to the agent’s betrayal, and killed him to prevent any subsequent interrogation. 

Jack pulled his friend into his arms and whispered, “I’m sorry, Daniel.”  

Daniel started to struggle, pushing out of Jack’s protective embrace, trying to get up, to look outside, to see for himself.  Shock and grief burst across his face, as he understood Jack’s cryptic message.  

“Don’t look!” Jack ordered gruffly, trying to hold him back from the view.  “You don’t need to see that.” 

_“NOOOOOOOOOO!”_ Daniel cried.  “No, God, _please!”_

It was all Jack could do to bulldoze Daniel back against the wall of his house.  “He’s gone, Daniel,” Jack told him roughly, shouting to be heard over his friend’s grief.  “There’s nothing you can do for him now.” 

Cars were pulling up on the street outside with sirens screaming, tires screeching, raised voices, boots pounding against pavement.  In another moment, someone would be entering the house, looking for them. 

Daniel gradually stopped fighting and Jack’s arms tightened around him, holding him, rocking him, waiting for the cops to make their way through the still-open front door to find them.  Jack kept holding him as he wept.  “I’m sorry,” Jack whispered again into his distraught friend’s hair.  “I’m so sorry.”  Only Daniel couldn’t hear him for the sirens and the roaring grief in his head. 

* * *

 

 ** _Two Weeks Later_**

Jack didn’t bother knocking on Daniel’s front door.  It was a beautiful day outside, so he wandered around to the back yard, hoping to find Daniel someplace other than in the gloom of his office with his face in a book or ticking the keys on his laptop.  He smiled as he saw his friend dressed in nothing but a pair of cutoff jeans, waving a water hose over some newly planted flowers. 

“Hey, big guy,” said Jack cheerfully.  “General Hammond says you’ll be back at work tomorrow.  Thought I’d come by and check on you.” 

Daniel didn’t look at him or return his grin.  “Hey, Jack,” the younger man said flatly.  “I’m okay.”

He hadn’t smiled at all since his lover was killed in front of his house.  Jack couldn’t blame him for that.  It would take him a while to get past the grief. 

“Is that better than the standard, ‘I’m fine’ or not as good as?” Jack teased, eyebrows raised. 

Daniel shrugged.  He coiled up the hose as he walked it over to the faucet, then dropped the coil behind a bush and turned off the water, wiping his hands on his hips.  “I’m just okay.  Want a beer?” 

“Is it cold?” 

“Well, it’s in the fridge, where I always keep your beer,” Daniel returned casually, “so I guess that’s a yes.” 

“Nothin’ better than cold beer on a hot day,” agreed Jack.  He couldn’t take his eyes off Daniel’s chest and back as he moved, sun-bronzed and flawless.  The view was distracting. 

He watched Daniel’s ass as he walked in front of him, leading the way into the cool house, into the kitchen.  The smell of fresh bread made Jack’s mouth water, and he spied a round loaf on a plate, top glistening with melted butter.  It hadn’t been out of the oven long, since the little bowl with the butter and pastry brush were still beside it, the butter still liquid and warm. 

“Yum,” said Jack appreciatively, hoping Daniel would take the hint. 

“That’s for tomorrow,” Daniel told him.  “There’s a potluck for Doctor Lee’s birthday, so no, you can’t have any.  At least, not today. Come by the academic’s lounge tomorrow at first break, and you can have a piece.” 

Jack’s gaze dropped back to the short cut-offs and those long legs.  “A piece of what?”  

Daniel turned around, and Jack couldn’t stop staring.  He’d never seen Daniel looking so utterly edible before, and he wanted nothing so much as to drizzle him with some of that melted butter and lick off every drop.  Jack could see the faint outline of Daniel’s dick, hanging down the right leg of his cut-offs in a tempting bulge. 

“Jack?”  

His head snapped up to make eye contact.  Daniel’s eyebrows were furrowed.  He looked confused.  

“What?” Jack responded automatically. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Daniel continued, turning to the fridge to fetch Jack’s beer.  “I need to apologize to you.” 

“No, you don’t.”  Jack took the bottle, set the cap against the edge of the kitchen table and popped it off with the side of his hand.  He ignored the cap dropping onto the floor and sipped his brew. 

“Yeah, I do.”  Daniel opened a bottle of water and took a swig.  “You were right about Liam.  Ian.  Whatever his name was.  I took a huge risk, getting involved with him.  It won’t happen again.” 

“Ian Donovan,” Jack reminded him.  He felt guilty enough about the whole thing, but was glad Daniel was showing some signs of recovery at last.  “Part of our job is lookin’ after each other.  You’d have done the same for me.” 

Daniel shrugged, playing with the white cap, screwing it onto and off of the water bottle over and over.  He leaned his butt against the edge of the table, keeping his gaze on the floor.  “I was in a bad place.  I needed someone I could hold on to.  I felt like everyone I cared about was dying around me.  I needed to be loved and couldn’t stand being alone anymore.” 

He lifted his eyes to Jack’s, pleading for understanding.  “I needed the pain to stop.  Sarah told me I’d lost myself in my work, and she was right.  I still need a life, but I have to find some balance in that regard.  I’m not sure I know how to do that.  I seem to pitch headlong from one obsession to another.  Who can I trust out there, Jack?  I’m not sure I can go through that again.” 

Jack looked into those eyes, fell into them, and drowned.  He loved this man, loved him beyond reason, beyond regulations, beyond orientation.  He couldn’t believe he’d been so blind and stupid, not to realize how Daniel felt about him.  How he also felt about Daniel. 

It had taken the presence of another man coming between them for Jack to get the message. 

“There are some smart people at the NID,” Jack told him, staring at Daniel’s lower lip, shimmering with the wetness of a fresh swipe of his tongue.  “They understood what you were looking for, when you put that ad up.”  He sighed.  “Do _you_ know what you wanted, Daniel?” 

“I’m not meant for happily ever after,” Daniel declared morosely, shrugging off the question.  “I suck at relationships.  People die when I love them.” 

“ _I’m_ still here,” Jack reminded him gently. 

Daniel’s gaze flicked back to his, startled, a little afraid. 

“What I don’t get,” said Jack, reaching out to clasp Daniel’s nape, “is why you didn’t just come to me and tell me flat out that you were in love with me.” 

Eyes narrowed with pain and regret, Daniel whispered,   “Because you don’t feel the same way about me.  You can’t.  You’re not gay.  You’re _Air Force.”_

“Maybe I’m not gay,” Jack agreed.  “Maybe I am.  Maybe it doesn’t really matter.  All I know is, if you want me, you got me.” He shrugged. 

Daniel’s breath caught, hope flaring and then losing its place to denial in his expressive face. “I’ve loved you for a long time, but I can’t let you do this, as much as I want it.  Your career—“ 

“—is balanced on the edge of retirement, anyway,” Jack cut in gently, stroking his thumb against Daniel’s warm neck.  “I can’t stay in the field forever.  My knees can’t take much more of the constant walking, running for cover, saving the world.  That gets old after a while, you know?  Maybe a better assignment will come along.  Who knows?” 

Daniel’s eyebrows twitched together.  “What about ‘don’t ask, don’t tell?’ ” 

“You didn’t ask me,” Jack reminded him, pulling him closer.  “I would’ve found a way to tell you how I feel about you, if you had.  Maybe like this.” 

The first brush of Jack’s lips were light, stroking with deliberate slowness just to make contact and feel Daniel’s warm breath on him.  He pressed their chests together, bending Daniel backward slightly over the table.  Daniel’s lips parted, inviting him inside, and Jack groaned, slipping his tongue into that wet heat, tasting coffee and the faint flavor of butter.  Daniel’s tongue curled around his, caressing him as his mouth opened wider, groaning, hungry, wanting more. 

Daniel wrapped one leg around Jack, pulling the two of them as close together as he could, and Jack felt a rush of heat go to his groin.  He wanted Daniel, right now, but he knew Daniel wasn’t ready for that.  He was still grieving, and needed more time before they explored their rapidly changing relationship more fully. 

Reluctantly pulling away, Jack gazed down into those beautiful azure eyes as he touched Daniel’s cheek with his fingertips.  “You let me know when you’re ready for the real thing, okay?” 

Breathless, confused, Daniel just stared at him.  “Is this why you disliked Liam so much?” 

“I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him who you really wanted,” Jack admitted.  “We _all_ knew.  It was kinda obvious.”  He helped Daniel up to his feet and backed a step away.  “It took me a little time to realize why I felt that way.  It wasn’t because I suspected him of anything.  It was because I was damned jealous that _he_ got to touch you, and _I_ couldn’t.” 

Daniel just nodded and looked at the floor.  

“It should have been _me,”_ Jack told him, his voice thick with emotion.  “I should’ve been the one you took that step with, Danny.  He was your first, right?” 

“We were first for each other,” Daniel admitted thickly, “but that doesn’t mean we did _everything_.  There are still _some_ things I haven’t tried.”  He blushed. 

“Oh?”  Jack thought he looked so hot when he was embarrassed.  

“Do you understand the terms ‘top’ and ‘bottom,’ as relating to gay men?” 

“Meaning’s kinda obvious,” said Jack with a lopsided grin. 

“Liam never topped me,” Daniel confessed quietly, his gaze still on the floor.  He fidgeted a little, playing with his fingers, which he always did when he was at a loss, uncomfortable with what he was saying.  “It was always the other way around...  But I’ll bottom for you, if you want.” 

Heat shot through Jack’s dick as the visual of that spun through his imagination.  _Daniel, bent over the kitchen table and Jack taking him from behind.  Daniel on his back in bed, legs in the air, spread wide to admit him.  Daniel on his knees, swallowing his dick whole._ The possibilities were endless, arousing, and incredibly erotic.  His hand twitched over his dick instinctively, and he struggled to push the arousal away.  

“Uh.”  He cleared his throat.  “Well, _fuck!_ ” he whispered, moving in for more slow, tender kisses. 

God, could Daniel Jackson _kiss!_

“So what do we do now?” Daniel whispered against those nibbling lips. 

“We’ll figure something out,” said Jack softly.  “No problem.” 

“But—“ 

“Trust me on that, okay?”   
“I trust you with my life.  My heart.  My soul.”  Daniel’s arms came up around his neck, holding him loosely.

“Whatever happens, we’re in it together, okay?”

“As it was in the beginning,” Daniel quoted, “so it shall be until the end.”

“Works for me.” 

Daniel put his head down on Jack’s shoulder, and Jack smiled when he realized his lover was dancing with him, swaying slowly in little circles, a nearly-naked Daniel Jackson in his arms, his bare chest and back begging to have Jack’s hands all over every inch of his bare skin.  He thought they must look ridiculous, dancing without music, if anyone else were watching; but then, private moments like this were the place to be ridiculous, to be silly – to be in love.

And that was a very good place to be, indeed.  ** _  
_**

* * *

 

**_One Week Later_ **

They were still arguing about Jack’s career.  Daniel declared no one needed to know they were involved, as long as they were careful.  Considering the disastrous effect of Daniel’s last relationship, it was perfectly plausible that no one would blame him for turning his attention back to work, burying himself in it.  Once he’d resumed his former schedule, precluding any hint of time for a social life, any speculation about how he spent his personal time would disappear.

Jack, on the other hand, felt the honorable thing would be for him to retire.  The only problem with that idea was that he didn’t trust anyone else to watch Daniel’s back, and if Jack stepped off the team for any reason, Hammond would put another Colonel in charge.  He couldn’t accept that, believing no one could look after Daniel as well as he did himself.

The program needed both of them, Daniel argued.  Their expertise was invaluable.  As usual, he was right when it mattered most.

They decided to not talk about it for a while, and just see how things went.

For starters, Daniel bought a bigger bed.  It almost filled his tiny bedroom, but it was necessary for two men their size to be able to sleep comfortably.  Jack, however, wasn’t planning on doing much sleeping there.

Daniel also provided Jack with a couple books on the subject of gay sex.  A few times, he’d sat in Daniel’s living room and studied the pictures and diagrams in them, skipping the lengthy, boring text, while Daniel was out in the yard or busy cooking dinner for them.  Afterward, there would be brief question and answer sessions, usually followed by some serious kissing and fondling.  That, inevitably, led them closer to the bedroom.

When the time finally arrived, Jack insisted their first time be in _his_ bed, rather than at Daniel’s place.  He didn’t want Daniel remembering his other lover, and he knew they’d been together in Daniel’s house.  Jack’s place had no ghosts in it; at least, none for Daniel.

After an evening of chess, their favorite pizza, and some excellent wine Daniel had brought with him, he got up and left the den, wineglass in hand.

Jack followed him out, thinking he was going to put his glass in the sink, but instead, he made a left turn and went all the way down the hall to Jack’s bedroom.  Jack cleared away the pizza box and wine bottle, checked all the locks, and turned out the lights in the front of the house before heading for his room.  Daniel was sitting on the far side of the bed, shirtless, unfastening his jeans and belt, the wineglass now empty on the nightstand.  He stood up just enough to skim his pants off, leaving them lying on the floor.  He reached around and lifted the covers, sliding his legs underneath.

Tearing his gaze away, Jack went into the bathroom to undress, throwing his clothes in the hamper, except for his shorts.  He washed his face and hands, brushed his teeth, and quickly ran his electric razor over his face, wanting to be fresh and smooth for his lover.  When he returned to the bedroom, he headed for his side of the bed, taking note that Daniel already had the condoms out on the nightstand, and that he’d brought lube. 

Jack sat down on the bed, pushing his shorts down on the way.  He got under the covers, fell back on his pillow and grabbed the lube, looking at the label in the lamplight.  “Cherry flavored?”

“I thought it was appropriate,” said Daniel with a smirk.

Setting the bottle back on the nightstand, Jack turned to look at his soon-to-be-lover.  Grabbing the covers, he flung them back, uncovering Daniel’s body so he could look at him, fully naked, for the first time.  He rolled onto his side and reached out, tracing the slick scar on his lower abdomen, where he’d had his appendix removed.  Jack splayed his hand across Daniel’s belly, then slid his fingers slowly into Daniel’s pubic hair. 

Groaning, Daniel’s eyes rolled closed.  He arched into Jack’s touch, and his stiffening cock sprang upward, filling out quickly.  He sighed, then opened his eyes, looking right at Jack.  “Ever touched another man’s dick before?”

“Nope.”  Jack slid his hand lower, stroking eagerly up the long, thick shaft.  “First time.”

With a gasp, Daniel reached down and grabbed Jack’s wrist, holding him still.  “Fuck!” he whispered.  “Easy, cowboy!  I nearly lost it, just from what you’re doing there.”

Jack nodded.  His heart was banging in his ribs like a startled bird trying to beat its way out of a cage.  His mouth was dry and his dick was _so_ in charge.  He wanted to _fuck_.  Wanted to do it _now_.

Daniel rolled toward him and Jack reacted, capturing his mouth, exploring it fully with his tongue.  Propped on his left elbow, Jack reached for Daniel’s waist with his right hand, pulling him closer even as he rolled on top of Daniel.  Instantly Jack was aware of the difference, rattling his instincts, setting his nerves ablaze. 

Daniel’s body was big, hard with muscle and bone.  Bulging biceps pushed against Jack’s arms, enveloping him in a powerful, intimidating embrace.  Large, rough hands caressed his back and buttocks, but most potent of all was the hot, solid dick jabbing into Jack’s belly.  Hairy legs entwined with his, and for a moment, Jack was frightened of what they were doing.

It was too different, too strange. 

He broke the kiss, staring down at Daniel, panting and needy, his eyes half closed and glittering with desire.  His lips were red and swollen from kissing.  He looked utterly wanton, so ready and willing to be fucked.

 _And God, how Jack wanted to_ fuck _him!_

He grasped Daniel’s cock, its alien hardness shocking Jack for a moment.  He’d never done anything like this in his life, but he pushed past his uncertainties, eager for the prize, and to please his lover.  Jack squeezed and pulled on it, needing to see the reaction in Daniel’s face, and got it.

Daniel whimpered, arching into Jack’s grip, thrusting into his hand.  “Jack!” he whispered, his voice trembling, eyes squeezed shut, body twisting with need, hands clutching.  He cried out, a garbled little noise of distress, and Jack let go of him, moving his hand to cup Daniel’s face.

“You okay?” he whispered. 

“Ah, uh, oh, _fuck!”_ Daniel gasped.  He opened his eyes, his gaze desperate, frustrated.  “I’m not gonna last long, Jack.  Maybe we should just.  Y’know.  _Do_ it.” 

“Shhhh.”  Jack put his finger over Daniel’s lips.  “Let’s dial it down a notch.”  He lay back on his pillow and pulled Daniel on top of him, just holding him there, petting his hair and shoulder, whatever he could reach.  

Daniel slithered down his body, nibbling and kissing, his hands and mouth making Jack forget his reservations.  This was far more than lust.  It was love, and all Jack’s reservations vaporized. 

He lifted his head and watched as Daniel licked and sucked his cock.  Daniel’s hands stroked his belly and thighs, massaged his balls.  One finger stole up between his cheeks, and then was hastily jerked away. 

“Sorry,” Daniel whispered around his dick.  He glanced up at Jack, a guilty flash of blue, but Jack was curious now.  Daniel must’ve been _really_ good at it, if he’d turned a straight guy gay. 

“It’s okay,” Jack told him.  “You can touch me there.” 

Daniel went absolutely still.  His lips swirled around the shaft of Jack’s dick, sliding off gently.  He turned uncertain eyes on his lover.  “This wasn’t what we talked about,” he reminded Jack.  

“I didn’t say you could _fuck_ me,” Jack intoned.  “I said you could _touch_ me there.  I might like it.” 

Needing no further encouragement, Daniel whispered, “Tell me if you don’t, and I’ll stop.” 

Jack nodded.  He closed his eyes and relaxed, moaning as Daniel’s wet heat surrounded him again.  He let Daniel do whatever he wanted, exploring his body with wonderful caring and obvious affection.  It wasn’t bad, and when Daniel finally withdrew his finger, Jack whimpered a little.  It had felt good, but more of that could wait for another time. 

Daniel kissed his way back up, settling over Jack gently.  He rubbed their bodies together, their cocks fighting for space between their bellies.  Daniel lifted himself up on one side, looking between them at the sight.  When he made eye contact again, he was beaming. 

“I think I need sunglasses,” Jack teased.  He smiled back.  “Happy?” 

“Delirious.  I never thought this would _ever_ happen.  Not in _any_ universe.” 

“I’m kinda likin’ it, too.”  He pulled Daniel down for more kisses. 

Jack had never felt more loved in his life.  He forgot about everything but Daniel, rolling him onto his back.  He kissed his way down Daniel’s chest, across his rippling abs, slurping up the rich, salty taste of his skin while he opened Daniel up with his fingers.  He drizzled some of the clear liquid lubricant across Daniel’s impressive hard-on, rubbing his chest against Daniel’s cock, loving this delightful new experience with his partner and friend. 

When he was certain Daniel was ready, Jack put on the condom and pushed his cock into Daniel, watching his face, seeing him gasp with relief and joy and need.  His strokes were deep and rhythmic, opening Daniel up like a blossom in the heat of the sun.  Daniel put his head back against the pillow, moaning and gasping at the pleasure, arching and writhing on Jack’s dick. 

“God, you are _so_ fine,” Jack breathed, instinctively grasping his lover’s cock, sliding his hand up and down his slippery shaft.  Jack didn’t try to hold back, basking in the warmth of Daniel’s desire.  His heart leaped up into his mouth as he watched Daniel come, pearls of creamy passion shooting onto his chest and belly as he called out Jack’s name, over and over, a mantra of love.  

Jack felt Daniel’s body pulling at him, squeezing, and gave everything of himself to the one person he needed to be his guide, his companion, his shelter, his sustenance.  Jack’s life revolved around this man, like a planet orbiting a bright star, and it had been that way since the moment they first stepped through the Stargate together.  He held onto Daniel as he filled his lover with his seed, held him still as he waited for the last pulses to ebb, staring blissfully down into Daniel’s face.  

Daniel smiled up at him after a few more breaths.  “You should see yourself.  You’re fucking _beautiful,_ Jack.” 

Jack’s eyebrows lifted.  “Oh?  You look pretty hot yourself, big guy.” 

He studied Daniel’s sweaty face, hair sticking up all over, lips red and swollen from kissing, eyes half closed, dimples cleaving his cheeks, teeth shining in a megawatt smile. 

Just-fucked was _definitely_ a good look for Daniel. 

He bent down and kissed him, aware that his shrinking dick was slowly sliding out of his lover.  Daniel groaned into his mouth when they slipped apart, and Jack reached down and fished for the condom.  He dropped it onto the floor, not caring where it landed, and settled back over Daniel when he’d straightened out on the bed. 

Gazing down into those brilliant eyes, he made a decision.  “I’m retiring, Daniel,” he announced quietly, “and I know I don’t really have a right to ask, but I’m gonna anyway.  Would you resign from the SGC and move in with me?” 

Daniel’s eyes widened.  “Wow.  That’s.  Um.  Kinda sudden, don’t you think?” 

Jack stroked his face, adoring him with his eyes.  “They might find the answer with or without us,” he said quietly, loving the feel of that big, strong body beneath his.  “All I know is, every time we go through that ‘gate, the chances of one or both of us not coming back is huge.  I want time with you, and there’s damned little of that left in my future.  The only way I can see getting what both of us need is to walk away from here and never look back.  Otherwise, we may have days together.  Maybe hours, considering that translation you did for SG-2 on that column thingie.” 

Daniel’s smile shrank, grew wistful.  “We can’t do that, Jack, as much as I’d love it.  We need to see if my interpretation was right before we make any decisions here.” 

Putting his head down, forehead touching Daniel’s, he sighed, knowing his lover was right.  “Yeah, I know,” he agreed.  “We’ll see what they find on 439.  If another Ancients’ repository is there, we’ll go with them to find a way to download it and bring it back.  Once we get that done, the SGC should have everything they need to keep this planet safe from the Goa’uld, and we get the hell outta Dodge together.  Okay?” 

Daniel’s smile was answer enough.  “We’ll go up to your cabin and figure out where we want to go from there.”  His eyes filled and spilled over.  “Right now, I’m not sure if I’m dead or dreaming.  This is just too good to be real.” 

“Nah, Danny.  It’s real.  Maybe it’s the only thing in our crazy lives that is.” 

Jack ran his fingers through Daniel’s hair, making it stick up even more.  He looked so fucking adorable like that; so damned much in love.  Jack couldn’t _wait_ to be with him.  Another couple of days, and they’d be together for the rest of their lives. 

And even if things didn’t work out the way they wanted, they’d had this wonderful night.  Sometimes, that was worth a whole lifetime of doing without love.  If that were all they ever had, it would still be worth everything they’d gone through to find each other. 

They’d had a moment in time, and sometimes, that was enough. 

FIN


End file.
